Hate mail 1...

Andrew from Cape Town...I hate Mr “Brand-Name-Mixer”. He struts down the plaza of campus like he is Tyson on a GQ fashion shoot for the Fall 2006 calendar. I hate him because he struts, but that’s not the primary reason. What kind of moron insists on dressing up like a collage of Access Park flyers, wearing one item of all the latest fashions labels? The unmistakable low cut Diesel jeans with the ineffectual belt loose enough to make the top of his Calvin Klein boxer briefs visible but not to low to draw attention away from the compact disc sized Guess belt buckle; the mandatory Polo Shirt, collar up obviously, in that light puke telly tubby pink; the relaxed zip up Adidas hoodie with the premeditated rolled up sleeves exposing the trendy Nike wrist sweatband and of course lets not forget the sideways fake Von Dutch trucker, the neon blue puma trainers and the greenmarket square tortoise-shell Gucci sunglasses, just because the car guard was out of black, that complete the outfit! Is your favourite drink Coke mixed with Pepsi you fuckin git? You look like the carbon-fibre shell of a poor Formula 1 team’s car that had to auction off body space to pay for their under-performing engine. You look like a fashion slut with your idiotic eclectic fusion of urban chic clothing apparel. Get an identity you fuck. I hope the weight of your packets on your next Cavendish shopping spree is sufficient to make you tumble down the escalator and spread you cranial matter across the floor of Vida.




Daniel from Jozi... I hate the guy who has more free time than Lincoln Burroughs and less of a social life than Melvin from Office Space allowing him to read ahead and familiarise himself with the content of today’s law lecture. Yes I also have last years notes that the nerdy class medallist took down verbatim and can interrupt the lecturer by finishing every second sentence like this is a prime time TV game show but I don’t! Why? Because I am not a fuckin lifeless cockface hated by the entire class that has this urge? Asking the lecturer a question or to clarify a point is socially acceptable? Raising your skinny arm into the air to make a statement is just fuckin annoying. You rude intellectual pretender! Why you then pivot mid-sentence and phrase your dim-witted comment to the entirety of the lecture hall is beyond me! Avert your gaze you lesser being! Do you know how much the founders of my trust fork out per hour to allow me to sit in lectures? Well it’s a fuckload less than what I would pay contract killers to dismember your arms and remove your tongue so you couldn’t interrupt my lecture. You do realise your relentless interjections serve no purpose. We assume you think it is to draw attention to yourself and let people think you are somewhat cleverer than the rest of us but get this asshole. The clever people have read the notes and are back at home writing theses that will eventually be published. Stick your hand up again and I’ll rip it off and make you sit on it.

What classics guy! I loved the response. Don't fear if you sent and it wasn't published, look out for part 2...