Anonymous Contributor: Why She Will ...The 3 boxes you have to tick of a famous 'Are you self-obsessed? test to fall within the definition of self-obsessed are:
Box 1: You think about yourself!
Box 2: You don't think about others!
Box 3: When you were reading box 2 you though about yourself?
Um...check check check. However, we here are Rockstar Journals also have other people think about us, and we love thinking about other people thinking about us. This is why when our 'to-remain-anonymous' good friend sent us a postworthy post. We posted it. Check.
Why She Will: by Ari Goldstar
"You treat a dame like a lady, and a lady like a dame"
- Frank Sinatra
At the risk of sounding like an over-caffeinated 13 year old who's been watching reruns of Mulder and Scully: Trust No-one. Well, not no-one, your dog won't lie to you, but that hot little piece of ass snuggling up against your chest right now - don't trust her.
The fairer sex gets a raw deal. I mean, they're painted as the evil in the bible, they can't pee standing up and they're eternally being dumped by an unfaithful boyfriend/husband/some guy she drunkenly took home last night.
At Rockstar Journals, we try to break down stereotypes. We're all for sexual equality. We're regular Martin Luther fuckin’ Kings.
Trading up is part of human nature. You always want something better.
The grass is always looks greener. I wouldn’t be writing this now if I had to use a computer the size of city block which only read punchcards. Thanks to men before me always wanting better, I'm listening to music, downloading porn (not really Mum) and typing this all on a lap top smaller than Calista Flockhart's bum and quicker than Casey Stoner at Imola.
Guys have been replacing girlfriends with the newer younger model for time immemorial. Girls haven't had it so easy. On the occasion they've had a go it's generally resulted in unpleasantness for everyone. See: Henry the VII. See: the Koran.
Since girl power (what a great revolution that was) kicked onto the scene women have been more able to use their god-given socially manipulative skills. Or maybe now it's just more visible (and less widely punished by stoning).
In the last few months a number of my fellow megastars (it's not arrogant
if it's true) have recently decided to replace their circa early 2000 models with newer, better and in one unfortunate incident, more spacious models. As with any upgrade one always checks the availability of the top models - I’m not going to get a Nokia 3210, if I can get a Blackberry. Come to think of it I probably wouldn't get a 3210 regardless - I had one and it was extremely temperamental, always breaking down ...
In the name of research a number and variety of newer models were approached, seduced and ultimately traded in. Ultimately we've been through it all and although haven't had this vindicated by each and every model yet, it's just cause she is a great liar. On a lonf enough time scale the survival rate for everything drops to zero.
The chances that a girl's going to cheat on you aren't a chance, it's a certainty. Of course, you're good-looking, smart, confident, more than any girl could wish for; and your girlfriend's never going to cheat on you. Right? Wrong. That's exactly why she'll get away with it though. Guys cheat stupidly. You're drunk and the leggy blonde eye-fucking you across the bar suddenly wants to drop the ophthalmic prefix. Of course, you take her right there on the dance floor in front of everyone - including your girlfriends 100 closest friends.
Women have been playing this game since Eve did the funky chicken with the serpent and are a lot more practised. So you won't ever suspect a thing, and when you find out, you probably won't believe it. Now if you think that you have somehow found the enigma, and your darling Kim is some angel. Not only is she lying to you, but even worse you are lying to yourself.
Now I understand that, in your social circle of friends, you're a big name (I’m big in Philipi), but if you truely believe that darling Kim would not cheat on you with say Mr Williams (and I don’t mean Serena’s old man) or some other celebrity, then you have obviously been rewarded for good behaviour and must be reading this article in the Valkenberg Library.
Now your retort could be that luckily Kim is never going o meet Robbie, and that is in all likelihood true, but since we have proved that she will cheat on you what makes you think she wouldn’t do it with Jonnie at Caprice, or depending on what Kim is like Wolf at Tiger Tiger, or for that matter Rob at Largo Road.
If you still believe that Kim is as innocent as she says she is, you should probably join the flat earth society or just keep her locked up in the kitchen. To expand this point any girl will cheat on their boyfriend/husband if the right guy, does the right things, at the right time.
For example this usually requires a rockstar to say “hello”, or at least make eye contact. Lesser mortals would obviously have to do a little more,.
If your maths is any good think of it this way.
X horny guys are going to make a move on your girlfriend.
The longer she is your girlfriend the higher X
Let Y be how hot your doll is. If Y is greater, then X is greater. However, if Y is lower, although X may also be lower, so are her standards.
So the odds of it happening to your girlfriend are just as likely as it happening to Seal’s. At some stage, when the moon and the stars and the sun (isn’t there a song that goes like that...) are aligned and you have just forgotten your anniversary (honest mistake), and are now away on business, so she can have the shoes she wants, or whatever the reasons (if I knew them I wouldn’t be writing this article but would be jumping on Oprah’s couch as I became an honorary member of her book club), she is going to cheat on you.
You don’t have to believe me, but if it'd help I could list example after example here of situations were girls have cheated on their boyfriends. I probably know one about yours. You've got my email address. Unless, of course, the story involves me."
