A tribute...



Great beaters great ads...

Justice..?

You can´t make up this shit. I have been wanting to pass comment about P Divvy lately but like any terminal illness it is inappropriate to talk about it in front of the dying person, and I know the springbok reads rockstar.


However, I famous P Divvy, has had is inebriated tongue curtailed by the most unexpected source. Sports Minister Makhenkesi Stofile has told P Divvy to sober up. Sober up? Fantastic.

Stofile told the Daily News that he liked De Villiers very much and knew him as a good player from his days in Boland, but suggested the more the Springbok coach talked, the more he got confused.

"The role of the coach is to prepare the team," said Stofile. "The role of the spokesperson is to represent the union."

Drink what in front of you?

The slow death..

Fantastic British Humour...

*BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) *
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.

*BBC NORFOLK*
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with *What A Wonderful World*?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand
and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song *What
A Wonderful World*?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

*LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)*
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question.
In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

*THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
*Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all
written books about their experiences in what - Prison or the Conservative
Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

*BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) *
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

*UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE*
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

*GWR FM (Bristol) *
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

*RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) *
Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about
pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.

*PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) *
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

*RICHARD AND JUDY
*Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

*RICHARD AND JUDY*
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er .....
Leslie: He makes bread.
Contestant: Er .....
Leslie: He makes cakes.
Contestant: Kipling Street?

*LINCS FM PHONE-IN
*Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

*NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)*
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

*ROCK FM (PRESTON) *
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a
famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

*THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) *
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

*JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) *
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .... er....
er.... three?

*CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)*
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.
Caller: Er .... Mexico?

*PAUL WAPPAT(BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) *
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after a long pause): Fourteen days.

*DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVE TIME (VIRGIN RADIO)*
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

*PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) *
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er .....
Wood: It's got two syllables ..... Kor ....
Contestant: Blimey!
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run.
Contestant: ..... (silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I .....?
Contestant: Walked?

*THE VAULT *
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer
can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

*LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) *
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

*STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) *
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character
clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.

I look forward to Supersports Hilights reel of Piddy Divvys rugby comments..

Monday Girl...


Hi five? And begin.

We have a new leader...

This was sent in by a rockstar friend. It is an incredible thing to witness the naming of Afrikaans children. Roll call at koshuis must have been a hoot. This is the Griffons run on side to face the A& G Lions in a Currie Cup warm up this weekend. Look out for numbers 7 and 4.


Teams: Griffons: 15 Tertius Maarman; 14 Darryl Coeries, 13 Eddie Fredericks, 12 Werner Griesel, 11 Fabian Juries; 10 Kennedy Tsimba, 9 Clayton Gawie; 8 Nicky Steyn (captain), 7 Bioplus van der Merwe, 6 Marnus Briedenhann, 5 Isak van der Merwe, 4 Windpomp, 3 Sewes Oosthuizen, 2 Ashley Johnson, 1 Petros Methula.
Replacements: 16 Herschol Johnson, 17 Gert Greyling, 18 Kevin Stevens, 19 Albert Parsons, 20 Henrico Schultz, 21 Tiaan van Wyk, 22 Shane Hancke.

Thanks Roy.

Trench Day 153: Surfing...

My employers are fuckin sneaking. They found we have scant aptitude to work all day so in our entire building there is one photocopy machine, two phonelines in working conditions and absolutely no access to email, the interweb, a printer, a computer...it is a friggan miracle there is even cellphone reception in my building.

Please see 25 Feb below!!!

Fuck it is a miracle the building itself isn't condemded. Needless to say I work for the South African government (and you the citizen at home by extension) and come to think of it when the government bought the building 30 years ago it probably was condemned so they could get it at half-price (although they probably said they paid full price and then kept the other half for personal fun) and de-condemned it so we could work in it.

Anyway I suspect the lack of email-interweb access is so the already wayward lazy employees - myself occasionally included - can't play truant on the interweb all day instead of doing the little work we pretend to do. Well didn't we stick one to them when we slipped past security and out of the building an hour early today. Security consists of special forces trained covert military tacticians armed with battaryless handheld communication consols and expired pepper spray. I managed to sneak past and into the free world cause they were all cosily huddled around a hot plate sleeping. Seriously...a hot plate...not a heater...a fuckin hot plate.

How will Dad contain his pride?

Anyway (again) my free stolen hour of truancy allowed me time on the interweb and this is what I found. www.thechive.com. Fuckin fabulous. Two things. The dudes have acquired a library of shit. They basically surf facebook stealing photos of hot chicks that were dumb enough to post themselves in little clothing to the entire world (except china and SA government employees). Go check this shit out! A taste below. They also have this archive called photobombers. Priceless! Guys who sneak into photos. Some funny shit...if you're bored in the trench with interweb access...

Airtime?

Fucking classic...

Thursday's car...


Car of the day. Hey, it checks your blindspot..!

Blackberry is better...roger that..

This is undisputed photographic evidence that a blackberry is better than the old Iphone. (if you're not packing the 3GS you might as well call that fuckin thing an ipod) You see this photo taken at Wimbledon? It cut Roger's arm off. Impossible to this that a blackberry could do that! Although, also impossible to think the blackberry's battery would have lasted into game 2 for Federer to swap sides to be closer to the east side of Centre court to actually take the photo.

Exhibit 1: "Old" Iphone:

Having caught Nadal's contagious uni-arm-atosis, Roger's one arm grew smaller than the other.

Exhibit 2: Blackberry Photo:

15 love?

The war continues. Thanks Button.

Memoirs from the Trenches: Part I

At the time of graduation I was totally oblivious to how unlucky I was to earn the cap and the robe. Although the time was accompanied with much relief and a fuzzy feeling of achievement I had scant idea of what was to follow. It turns out graduating was the biggest white elephant I have ever pulled into a room - and has history will show I am not that big on pulling white elephants...golden hued angels yes, white elephants not really.

I have now realised - as it has been bashed into me relentlessly for the past 152 days - that with the accomplishment of graduation comes 10 hour working days, no holidays to speak of and the withdrawal of parental financial report like if communist sponsored South Africa granted the Dalai Lama a tourist visa a Confed tickets.

Here´s lookin´ at you oppression.

However, my spiraling into the trenches of the working world have been ameliorated somewhat by some humorous day to day incidents associated with working for the government. I give you Memoirs from the Trenches.

Part 1: Day 152.

The heat is surprisingly stifling in the room given that it is Cape Town in the middle of winter. The matter before me is one of a simple consultation between two feuding parties. Background will explain to you that sometimes I encounter situations where you have to try talk to people to resolve a pending dispute in the far-fetched hope that we can solve the problem before the next step.

Usually the disputes revolve around unfulfilled maintenance obligations, the damage to ones ________ (insert anything from microwave, car windscreen to favourite pot plant collection) or physical family disagreement. This one revolved curiously around the enforcement of a civil contract.

Aggrieved complainant!

Very simply the complainant was seeking action against the accused/defendant for not paying the full amount on the contractually agreed price for services rendered. Interesting conundrum this in these tough economic times but the enforcement of contractual obligations has always been the backbone of a thriving economy. The con part of the conundrum comes in when I add that contracts are not enforceable if they are contra bonis mores or against public policy or if they are illegal.

You try explain to a toothless 43year old divorced mother of 3 that the fact that the said contract defaulter agreed to pay her for sexual services actually means little in the face of the fact that prostitution is considered illegal. Interesting things going on in this trench..

Harsh but fair...

*Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
Asked was:-**

The United States of Africa?

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
Shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And Finally....................... In Australia they hung up because

They can't understand an Indian accent.*

Thirteen...

Some momentous things have happened in recent times. We finally got
rid Puke Watson. Pi Diddy is on the cusp of hanging himself with his
own whistle lanyard and Michael Jackson faked his own death.

Also South Africa managed to succesfully host a world class soccer
competition. The jury is out as to what exactly was the hilight of the
Confed Cup was but we're confident - more so than in our usual annoying way-
that we know what/who it is. Unfortunately its on our pvr and we
can't show it off. It involves Fernando Torres. It wasn't Torres - although he was good - but it was what he that bought our gift to us...

¨I want to see Torres, and the champions of Europe¨

I can only describe her as 13´s hotter little sister. Infact the sound bite is so sexy I am thinking of appling to Supersport to buy the rights to the ad so I can share it on metube. I would post her on youtube but I kinda want her for myself not for everyone else.

Hi 13, can I please speak to your hot little SA sister?

She is South African though - she must be - you see her, you email us.

The Comeback...

Just like the Lions after 46minutes in test match 1, like the Boks after 45 in test match 2. Like the Spanish 88^th minute assault and the Brazilian 75^th minute insurgence. And just like checks world wide, we are making a comeback, no so much a rebirth but more of a reminder.

Checks: In

We considered dying in an effort to allow all our records to retake pole position on every Billboard chart but that act was taken. We are going organic with a good old fashioned comeback.

Come back.

We have taken time away to relax, reflect, grow up a bit and we are coming back more rested than the All Blacks after a World Cup campaign, and a truckload better looking...

Rockstar Drinks ...

We've been keeping this up our sleeves for a while now, waiting for the right moment to unleash it on you, and now, that time has come.

&Union, located just around the corner from Heritage Square is where you're likely to stumble across a Rockstar relaxing and taking in the vibe (no doubt with a few adoring groupies in tow). Specializing in beer (yes, beer) and meat it already sounds like it's got a good thing going.

Although it's been featured in GQ already, it's still one of Cape Town's best kept secrets. The best part? It'll probably stay that way. Started by the same crazy kids who started Vida e Caffe - &Union takes a new approach to the fine art of a drinking a beer. With seven beers in the range - each brewed by small family run breweries in Europe - you'll be blown away by the originality of the flavours and the passion of the guy's who run the place.

The Rockstar Journal's popped round there last night for a tasting and had the finer points of the beer explained to us. We won't bore you with the details, suffice to say, it's the best beer you'll ever drink.

And it's only available at three places in the World. &Union, the old Cafe (Caprice - if you're confused) and Rik's Cafe. Oh, and have your ladyfriend try the Brewers&Union dark blend, or the Rafael - served in a champagne bottle - it's never been this classy for a girl to drink beer.

Get there now, and next time someone asks you whether you drink Heineken or Peroni, you'll be ready with an answer.

Tell them Rockstar sent you.

Monday Girl.



Y/N?

Pool Party...


Darwin had a theory. Needless to say these blokes wont have kids to throw pool parties...

Monday Girl...


I will take this lying down...

Fri-day monday comes around...

I´ve noticed something over the past few weeks that needs a mention. I have taken to tossing into a gym session between work finishing and supper on a Friday night. As a pre-work restricted student the WOD was either at a lazy 9amor even better just after lunch. Work doesn´t allow this.

Monday through Friday...

I have however noticed something incredible and decided to point it out. Monday through Thursday the after work training session is bulging from spinning studio to weights section with fit toned muscle bound exercise freaks sporting Adonis six packs or Aphrodite curves. Fast forward to Friday and you have a different cross section of society.

Only fat and ugly people gym with me on a Friday.

It is true.

I usually don´t notice ugly people but they are so many in gym on a Friday that I was forced to take notice. I then tested the theory and it is true. Obviously however there is a perfectly good reason.Friday´s only...

All the pretty people train Monday through Thursday to get into shape so they are invited to attend events that involve socialising and then sex, whereas your ugly people aren´t invited. Your ugly people are upset at not having anywhere to go, so they go try train off the ugliness. Makes perfect sense.

That leaves me with the horrible possibility that some social event somewhere is doing pretty badly because I am such a nerd that if a WOD falls on a Friday, I go fraternise with the ugly people...

Red and light Blue:


This week in the news.

Quaid Cooper: I think the Tahs play a very boring unimaginative style of attack.

Lote Tuquiri: I would rather not entertain the crowds in a semi-final, than my mates around for a barbeque...

Monday Girl...



As you please...

Are you THAT guy?



If you are reading this site, there is a good chance you aren´t! Although if you are simultaneously surfing porn pics of Geanie D then you aren´t.

Harsh not fair call on the livestrong band though...

Classics never die...

Can anyone direct me as to where I can catch video reels of past Varsity Cup games? You might think I am looking for the Shimlas tool last year that did a judo roll followed by a short sharp karate chop against UCT in George, but thankfully I have him on PVR already. No what I am looking for is this years BEST tryscoring celebration so far..!

Fall Out Boy: Dance, Dance...

Casey Laulala has been leading a competitive pack this season with some horrific chicken dances and waddlewiggles but the inside centre from TUT produced an absolute cracker when he scored in their thumping loss to UCT not too long ago.

Standing tall behind groove bar!

Our boy ran off his live-wire scrumhalfs sniping break to collect a neat pass and his ostrich style running earned him the final 40m home free to score under the polls. But then our man did the unspeakable. Back in the day of Danie Gerber and Divan Serfontein an Afrikaans gentlemen showing emotion on the rugby field was akin to sleeping with your sister in the back of the ox-wagon, or at least insofar as you got caught. It seems things have changed.

Our Man Tjaart (name NOT changed to protect identity.

The punishment for on field flapdoodle was you had to drink a bottle of spiced gold in the after match blacktie function. In stark protest to this our man from Tshwane Tech (a 4th year repeat 1st year woodturning scholar) broke tradition and celebrated his try against UCT by standing behind the polls on one leg, other leg raised out at 90 degrees, knee bent!!!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

No irony is lost here, but the game was.

Love Actually...

Our International Man of Mystery spent the summer in South Africa leaving a brethren of deceit and broken hearts back in London. He was out trying to attain a highly (unlikely) skilled visa and is now back in the Big Smoke, but has this Valentines story to relay.

Back in London he left one encounter a little open ended and a fair amount of ´history´ existed between him and one girl, lets call her Suzie. His good friend and practical joker the Rickster decided to use our Man´s valentine absence as an opportunity to take a little it of the piss. So he took it upon himself, without even a shred of agreed upon agency, to deliver flowers to Suzie on behalf of our man. The Rickster arrived at her house with a beautiful bunch of Pakistan´s finest red roses.

The Rickster!

Now young Rickster, also has a history of binge drinking and taking down ugly London girls and just a week prior had kissed something he found at the bottom of a beer keg. Over that week this thing! had cyber stalked the Rickster obtaining his cellphone number, email address, facebook profile and residential address and was in hot pursuit. Rickster had been nothin short of evasive in 7 days, cringing at the memory of her skin tight Fulham supporters tights and sweaty cleavage.

Back to present beaming Rickster knocked on Suzie´s door lavishing in the future problems he was to cause our Man of mystery, and one can only imagine his surprise when what opened the door on his 3rd knock was not one Suzie, but rather her temporary flatmate, Rickster´s obese Fulham screaming wench.

Needless to say the Fulham Floozie anticipated the flowers were for her and rejoiced for a full 5 minutes attacking Ricksters muscly pecs until he could unpin himself from her vice-like love clench and explain that he was merely the messenger. Lovely stuff...

Monday girl...


Slick.

A fair fight..?

The most important thing about any match up is that the competitors are fairly matched. If there is an underdog challenger he needs to have the mettle to fight it out with the incumbent champ. Some fights just aren´t fair whereas others are brilliant.

Buzz Aldrine v Buzz Lightyear. Fair!
Komodo dragon v Velociraptor. Fair!
Freddy Mercury v Mika. Fair.
Pepsi v Coke. Fair.
Sharks v Stormers. Unfair.
Bishop Mvume Dandala v Jacob Zuma. Unfair!

Pointing fingers?

The challenging political party named the honourable Bishop Mvume Dandala as their candidate to run against the overwhelmingly stronger ANC, who still has JZ as their party candidate.

The best Bernie Mac impression in town!

One is a man of the cloth, the other the man of the loin cloth and shower and fraud charges and political meddling and machine gun. The mind boggles...

The Gym Files...

After pointing out the hair styling antics of certain gym patrons recently we have been flooded with anecdotes from various readers pertaining to similar gym disbelief stories.

Heart rate monitor in a sports bra. Your pulse going yet?

Andrew interestingly drew our attention to one elderly gentlemen at Claremont Virgin Active who insists on showering with his heart rate monitor on! Andrew quips - is he showering at 80% of his max?

Monday Girl.



Cleaning it.

Public Indecency...

The mens change room at the Wembly Virgin Active has a set of public morals unique only into itself and maybe a 4 A.D roman mens only plunge pool and steam bath. The place for a good looking guy is about as safe a muslim lady unraveling her burka in front of in laws.

However, despite the admittedly low threshold of social acceptability in the venue it still has a modicum of decorum, and last night I witnessed it being broken.

Blowdryers are for chicks...

Apparently the current universal trend in anti-curled hair, and a preference for the straight back length has prompted men world wide to add either a GHD or a hairdryer to their grooming arsenal. I shit you not. Now as suitable for comment as this is, we must remember what you do in the privacy of your bedroom remains your prerogative. Breach your actions into the real world and you put yourself up for attack.

As I was attempting a quick exit to escape the towel snapping of the little spandex clad princess with a beard that lurks by the scale I noticed this dude sporting boardshorts and a vest with his head reversed and wedged under the wall mounted hand dryer attempting to airheat iron the wetness in his mullet.

My fuckin´ word, I have seen some weird things in gym but a man double bent over with his head virtually in the urinal trying to blowdry the back of his head is not one of them. Amazing...

A little more than you bargained for...

Forking out an amount of money for a product, item or experience and then finding out there are ancillary costs is a bit of a hack, or if you get less than what you paid for. However, the converse is one of the slickest things around...

I´ll do one...

My weekend had a bit of both. Getting scouted for the Cape Town 10s was meant to allow me to relive the glory days of try scoring celebrations and massive hits, but instead my efforts only yielded ridiculously hot playing time at a competitive level I was hoping to avoid.

Thankfully Sunday saw my poor luck rewarded as a little visit to Kirstenbosch for Arno Carstens developed into something special.

Arno threw a serious vibe and a few of his Another Universe album hits around like JZ throws around attempts to derail the justice system, and then Arno, again like JZ, said goodbye and walked off...

However...

On walks some long haired roadie looking guy who saunters around on stage, throws a little wave and plugs in his guitar. After about a minute of strumming whilst the crowd packed up its cheese and wine, back on walks Arno.

He points to the haired dude, and says, I would like you to all meet Theo Crous.... and WE ARE THE SPRINGBOK NUDE GIRLS.


Slick. They jammed 30 minutes of Nude Girls hits. Very rad...

Monday Girl.



. . .

Monday. G. I. R. L.


Peace and love.

Super...

Just in case you were planning to get to bed early on sunday before a hectic week at work or were aiming at wrapping up the ice hurling blonde at Groove bar before 12am come sunday evening think again.


Pittsburgh Steelers v Arizona Cardinals in SUPERBOWL 43. The game seemingly lacks some of the hype of previous years with the Cardinals being a non-entity in NFL history and the Steelers not carrying an 18-0 record like the Pats did last year BUT the outsider Giants did upset things last year so expect the chance of that happening again.

Big Ben: Been there done that...

I´ll still pvr it though...the first day at work after a 2 and a half month holiday is more important...

It runs through a river...

Looking into the murky green water of Muizenburg from a very stable albeit very hollow paddle board is a harrowing experience. You don´t really know what lurks below the surface, what dark skinned denizen looks up at your sizing you up like a slow moving wounded seal. I think it is probably safer to swim in a pool, or a river.

Actually scratch the river idea. This was found 5.5km up a river. Yes, 5500m away from the sea.

The website revealing the research going on up the Breede river reports that this shark is 0.5m LONGER than the biggest ever recorded Zambezi shark. 4m of eating machine, and what is better is that after releasing her back into the water the researchers confirmed that she was pregnant.

River rafting anyone?

The devil reads rockstar...

Had a discussion recently with a rockstar reader about the direction of the site and its current lack of postings. We made some good points, and made some progressive conclusions. The height of which was that since it´s a lifestyle not just a morass of text uploads it would never actually die, it is inherently immortal, kinda like wingtips brogues.

The devil eye fucks rockstar...

So while you have wingtips on your feet, feel content that you will always have RSLJ on your macbook. Interestingly today we recieved the following sms from a rockstar leader.

¨I was just sitting at a computer on campus reading rockstar and this little black guy next to me saw what I was reading and decided to take it upon himself to convert me. I hope you´re proud of yourself...¨

Fuckin' proud...