Monday...

Happy New Years...

Computer Geek humour...

This is actually kinda funny if you've seen both social mediums.

Facebook: Hey.
MySpace: Sup.
Facebook: So's it going?
MySpace: It's going great, actually. How are things with you?
Facebook: Not bad. Not bad at all.
MySpace: I mean, you had a pretty good idea to start with.
Facebook: Now what is THAT supposed to mean.
MySpace: You and I both know that you based Facebook on MySpace.
Facebook: WHAT!? That's ridiculous. I don't see your users poking each other!
MySpace: That's because my users aren't GAY.
Facebook: No no, it's not like that, it's like a poke on the shoulder. Or something.
MySpace: Oh, okay.GAY.
Facebook: Well it's not as gay as Tom.
MySpace: You take that back.
Facebook: I will not.
MySpace: You take that back RIGHT. NOW.
Facebook: (singing) Tom is gay, Tom is gay.
MySpace: Yeah well at least he's not looking for "whatever he can get."
Facebook: We added that option as a JOKE.
MySpace: Oh, sure you did. Just like you added Live Feed to "keep people up to date."
Facebook: Don' even start with Live Feed. We asked our users what they wanted!
MySpace: Oh yeah, nice open letter, you homo.
Facebook: IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT THE USERS WANT!
MySpace: Lame.
Facebook: You're just jealous because your users are all old and creepy now.
MySpace: If by old and creepy you mean famous musicians, then yes, yes they are.
Facebook: That is NOT what I meant, I meant what I said.
MySpace: Watch it, Facebook. Don't make me call my Top 8.
Facebook: Oh, I'm so scared. Well YOU don't make me call my...my...
MySpace: Your what? Your "Friends We Have In Common"?
Facebook: Shut up, that's a very helpful feature! Better than "Who I'd Like To Meet"!
MySpace: Yeah, well you FREE IPOD CLICK HERE TO WIN (pause)

Facebook: What the hell was that?!MySpace: Oh nothing, don't worry about that, I have a tic and sometimes-

Facebook: That was a pop-up, wasn't it??
MySpace: I HAVE A TIC!!!
Facebook: Hahaha you have pop-ups and you can't control them!
MySpace: I can to! I can stop them whenever I want!
Facebook: Whatever you say, sell-out.
MySpace: Oh I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you over the sound of my money.
[Silence. A door opens]
Friendster: Oh, hey guys!! What's going on??
MySpace/Facebook: Fag.

Rockstar of the Moment...

No prizes for having guessed it would be him. One free mince pie voucher to the big guy...

Merry Merry everyone.

Monday Mary Clause...

One more shoplifting day until xmas we think why not stay within the theme? I can't wait to slip into her stocking.

Flight Club...

A monopoly is a great thing if you're the owner of it but not if you're on the receiving end of their limitless ability to determine prices. When you are a customer, especially of a service, it is crucially important that the provider of that service or product has a fierce competitor so it doesn't have carte blanche to adjust its price as it pleases.

For this reason I don't go out at night alone! Its too easy. So instead I surround myself with my rockstarish friends. But a more pertinent reason is the impact this has on air travel.

I recently had the (mis)fortune of flying around the country to tie up some christmas loose ends. Fiscally relegated to low cost airlines and with my voyager account being saved for a pending transatlantic adventure I chose to spread my flight experience over 3 competing airlines to determine which one should be adopted for rockstar air (lowcost) airtravel.

The scale upon which to make this determination was obvious. To level the playing field so you can fairly adjudicate which service provider is the best you have to use a world-famous, tried and tested formula. Look no further than the Johnny Drama Point System.




Based on a 10 point allocation across four different criteria, we have a mark out of 40. Highest mark? The air-medium that gets Rockstar approval for all our mile high club aspirations.

Drama's four criteria: Decor, Amenities, Serivce and Ambience.

Kulula, 1Time and Flymango are the mortar of the stonewall that is low cost airline travel. I flew them all in that order:

Kulula

Decor - How something looks is a substantially subjective opinion. Based on our history and current status I can say without fear of contradiction that we talk with thorough authority in regard to somethings appearance. The slime green that is synonymous with Kulula is strangly successful. It is concurrent with there off the wall approach to everything and since you only have to bear the brightness until you are off the runway it works. 7.5.


Amenities - Wings. Engines, Aerofoils. Landing Gear. Chair. Pilot. What else do you really need from a plane since every plane needs the above, unless you're thinking of a Nationwide plane. The yardstick then, must be leg room. Fair. 6.






Service - I would love to sit down with Drama over a coffee just to briefly discuss the important question of: in which category does how good looking the in-flight staff fall? I would think it falls into the service category, but at second glance the outfits are all important as you slide past for the Tyler Durden 'ass or crotch' dilemma and that moment of two sugar cleavage when they serve you your coffee. However, we must remain mindful that the visual opportunity for pleasure that we enjoy could fall under the broad umbrella category of ambience and if you are really really really lucky she may even fall into the amenity category. It's a tough one, so I am following in the footsteps of all great men and determining service by the length of airhostess skirt. Above the knee. Nice. 7.


Ambience - The people were happy. The people were also well represented by that fat class of chubby people we endeavour to refrain from referring to, which is fantastic for life raft peace of mind. If I'm bobbing in the Indian Ocean or Vaal Dam for longer than 72 hours I will skin that chubby blonde kid in 8C. 7.5.

Total: 28.

1Time


Decor - About as imaginative as the Stormers Super 14 kit and as retch inducing as the Stormers 1996 campaign strip. Not cool. Aparrently they used to paint the interiors of warships red so seamen injured by artillary shells would see the sight of their own blood in battle and freak out. I reckon 1Time choose it for similar reasons to induce calmness at a crash site. Thoughtful. 4.

Amenities - When 1time squeezed their ugly head into the airtravel trade they built their incursion for the title of best lowcost airline on the purchasing of the cheapest planes money can buy. They did extremely well in spending as little as possible on planes. The nearest place I can plausibly assume they found these flying deathtraps would have to be the scrapyard of the once famous Angolan Airforce. These ex-military cargo planes were dipped in a red paint fondue and the gutted fuselage was filled with the off cut seating rails from HIACE toyota taxis that they bought cheaply from the SA Governments after a successful taxi recapitalisation effort. Not cool. 3.5.



Service - I always thought the worst service in the world could be found on the patio of Opium Beach Bar in Camps Bay. 45minutes for a glass of water and a toasted cheese and tomato would be a record and probably earn the waitresss involved the 'waiter of the month' award. I thought Opium couldn't be rivalled. 1Time could have a stab. 3.


Ambience - You know that tangible fear that some directors can convey to the watcher of a hostage drama scene? You know a hostage will be sacrificed and feel it could be you! Flying 1Time is like that. If you don't die of dehydration, meal poisoning or by being constricted between the fat girls in seats 11A and 11C, there is a good chance you will lose a wing mid-flight or a crucial wheel mid-landing and fire a searing fireball death. Ambience: 2.5.


Total: 13

FlyMango

Decor - Orange. Eye catching. Orange. The New Pink. Plus very original. 7.

Amenities - All the bells and whistles of low cost airtravel but since it is run by SAA which is owned by the same people that own part of the ACSA (the company that controls the airports in RSA) Mango gets gate preference and runway preference. The first is perky whereas the second is more important that you think when 16 planes are circling OR Tambo after an oil spill on the south runway with the perfect highveld hail storm brewing minutes away. The orange planes get a runway whereas the rest get rerouted to Tzaneen or just Soweto straight. 8



Service - This is easy to describe. The airhostess wear these skin tight sexy charcoal stretch pants, pre-washed and shrunk little button up tops and sexy mango pumps. Maybe it was the angel that served by row but these outfits were racing. 9.


Ambience - How would you expect the inflight atmosphere of a plane load of men served by a troupe of sexy dressed belters getting spearheaded by one particular blonde haired beauty. I think Mango recruited its airhostess straight from above the stratosphere. 9.

Total: 33.


It's easy. Fly Mango, and ask for Almeria.

Monday from Arnolds...

We're branching out. The JJ is a bit of a technocrat so we got the opportunity to post during breakfast. No lovely...

The Secret...

Secrets are only best kept when you realize their truth and need to share them with as many people as possible. We are givers here. We have a secret and we need to share it because it certainly has been kept exceptionally well.

We also share it because even if you do know about this rich pool of talent we have unearthed we know that you are hardly any competition that would suffice in preventing us from still having first pick from the resources.

Menlyn: Home to the Rolling Mall...

Rockstars we give you very possibly the richest vein of talent from which you can showstopper search. Pretoria!!!

The three egg omellete maker..!

The Blue Bulls come from Pretoria and we never really have much too nice to say about them. However we, like Eddie Jones, have made the realization that beyond a sturdy tight five, Union Buildings and an excellently formed rolling maul, Pretoria has a great deal to offer.

The 1st and 2nd Princess just didn't have the easy load feature...

The corridors and shops of Brooklyn Mall and Menlyn are densely populated with such a wide array of good looking broads a semi-retarded fool whose looks match his water boiling at room temperature IQ could find himself a beauty queen breakfast maker..!

Robbie Wessles and the travelling Wilburys...

AND...don't be perturbed, many of these girls are English, although unfortunately are diseased with that very Afrikaans fashion sense but that can easily be cured with the healthy vaccine of a couple of issues Marie Claire and maybe a short trip to Europe or a week long tour of the Camps Bay strip.

Dress sense: Curable

Yes, these girls may be iron ore and need to be refined, but at least you're not chasing coal looking for a diamond. Rich, rich vein...

Rockstar Beach ...

Of course the government call it Clifton 3 1/2 but they would, wouldn't they. So in the name of everything rockstar-ish we've claimed it. It's ours now. And yours. That's how much we love you. It's small and exclusive (obviously) so it's invite only. Don't feel left out, if you''re reading this you're probably invited. Probably. Of course it help's if you're ridiculously good-looking, blonde, Swedish (and female). Otherwise try 4th with the rest of humanity.

Who says that there's trouble parking at the beach?

Unless you swing a mean beach bat. See you there.

Note the rocks in the background for maximum privacy

Monday Massive...

This weekend saw the very much anticipated unofficial private launch of Rockstar Beach, Cape Town. Another highlite this week was a verbal interchange by a member of the rockstar community and this monday's girl.

Appropriate isn't the right word but it is the first that comes to mind...

monday girl...

i posted her a week ago; so she is more -

/mature thaN she looks