Summer Panic ...

As we are confronted by a new season, full of flowers, allergens and the awakening of hibernating bears, some among us are confronted by another, more terrifying phenomenen - summer panic. While you may not recognise the term, the concept will be nothing new to you. Living by the sea has it's advantages, girls in bikinis, sunsets, cocktails at the ocean, fed to you in girls in bikinis while overlooking the sunset - the list goes on and on.





Bears: Terrifing





For those of you, and we're talking to mainly to guys here (but I guess also to hairy, muscular dykes who workout) living by the ocean during the summer also involves realising that pretty soon there's going to be beach weather - which involves strangely, going to the beach. Now, not everyone suffers from summer panic (certainly girls do, but I really don't have time to delve into the neuroses of your average female - unless she's blonde, gorgeous and enjoys me delving), however, the category which we mention here are those guys who figure that there best chance at having a half decent summer is looking, well, half decent.

Unlike the rockstar, who knows he can do what he wants and get away with it, the summer panic victim cares intensely about what people think about him. Ergo, one, maybe two months tops before the onset of summer this skinny redhead will be seen heading for the nearest Virgin (active). Working on the principle that bigger is better, he will be seen swinging steel of such weight that the aforementioned bear would struggle to move.

Now, the only real danger that our summer panic victim poses (aside from possibly stunting his own growth) is that should you see him, red of face and hair, attempting to double his size, get ripped, and grow a tan in 3 minutes flat you could, quite literally, kill yourself laughing. (Seriously, I've seen it happen folks. It's not funny. Not that funny, anyway.) Just, on the off chance he manages to lift the 400pound dumbell in front of him, stand back. It's going to get messy.