RSLJ: Article 5 Perception or Deception.

In order to achieve the rockstar pecuniary status required in later life, my current academic commitments, such as they are, have retarded my recent posting ability. I have desired for some time to prove an, as yet, unverified theory and have sherlocked (sir doyleism) onto an instance of truth that should confirm it. Given the study break I find myself in, I feel it an injustice not to go ahead and prove this theory.

You diligent rockstar readers out there will be familiar with the idea that ‘when it rains it pours’ and you not utterly obtuse people out there will be familiar with the truth that girls get attracted to guys who have girlfriends. The Theory is that girls go for a guy cause of his ‘vibe’. Like the word sturdy, ‘vibe’ is a strong word except it is strong in relevance not in meaning.

I feel it is a word that I am as present too much of a literary neophyte to attempt to define in depth so you will have to do with an analogy: "A man’s vibe to a woman is akin to dog’s inherent desire to chase a moving car." The mutt has no clue why it has the urge or what it is going to do if it catches it but it is dead set urged on doing so.

Actually that is a crap analogy as the said woman is totally mindful of her intentions upon catching her man and more important she hopefully doesn’t look like a canine. Anyway the point is girls love that intangible thing that a guy ‘throws out there’! [vibe talk] This is the reason that chicks love a guy that already has a girlfriend, that and they are two-faced, lying crackwhores…I digress.

So here is my proof that this vibe thing is undeniable:

My mate Joey has this mate. Let’s call him Craig, wait that is his name so it would ruin my pseudonym, so for the sake of being mysterious, let’s call him Vince.

Vince is a good-looking guy. He is tall, handsome, long, intelligent, a good listener, plays the guitar and can pass both ways. He is an absolute catch but has never been hit on like a short ball from a slow bowler. Vince got himself a girlfriend. She was a horrible little wench of a cretin but she did two things to Vinny both which were to his advantage. She rode him like the Cobra at Ratanga and she changed his ‘vibe’.


Vince dumped the little nymph like 3 weeks ago and his vibe has undergone a transformation that would make Evita Bezuidenhout jealous. Random girls will come up to him and flock him when we go out. (they used to flock his better-vibed mates but no longer) They would shower him with compliments, baits, propositions and the lure of an exclusive viewing of their La Senza collections.

More substantial proof however has been amongst girls that knew Vince before the accelerated vibe growth. Totally unable, or just plain too stupid, girls couldn’t admit what had changed. They started to say things like he has cut his hair differently, he is dressing differently, he has got more ripped, he is more tanned and a lot richer. None of these are remotely true, the little ex-wench wasn’t Rachael Weiss, she only engorged his thing she didn’t shape it. Vince has always dressed like he has and has had that haircut since last summer. (it is still stylish now so must have been rockstarish then) The thing that has changed is the way he carries himself, his 'vibe'.

The hilarity of the reasons girls would come up with cause they don’t understand the Vibe Theory® is incredible and doesn’t look like its going to abate anytime soon. I feel this ample proof that although girls go for the big attractions that everyone assumes chick dig you still can’t beat the vibe.

Summary in one quote: Jonny Carson was once posed a question on how he became such a star? He answered: "I started out a gaseous state and cooled…"