brought to you by Rockstar
Saturday 25th Oct
High: 26° Low: 14°
That's how we rock ...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday Night Lights...
Of course, you thought the whole Hull 4 - London 0 thing was just a coincidence. As it turns out, we here at Rockstar have a surefire way to predict the future based on pop culture.
Just take yesterday for example. While you were sleeping the New England Patriots (last years 18 - 0 regular season) managed to thrash the Denver Broncos with QB1 throwing 3 TDs. Not surprising. Except that - they're one Tom "Achilles" Brady short. Brady, who played more consecutive games than any quaterback in history pulled out at the start of the season with a foot injury.
QB1
In slots Matt Cassell, who's played, oh, about 23 seconds of actual game-time footvall since High School. Matt played behind Heismann Trophy winner Matt Leinart for his entire varsity career and and then managed to get drafted just behind 2-time MVP Brady - that's a lot of bench-warming.
If you cast your mind back to those heady days of early FNL you might remember All-Star QB1 J Street picking up an injury and being replaced by 3rd string QB Matt Saracen. That's right. Matt Cassel is Matt Saracen.
Matt "Saracen" Cassell - taking it easy
I know. It's a lot to take in. All that's important for you to know now is that Giselle Bundchen is going to be sleeping with Tim Riggins in about 2 weeks time. Oh, and bet on the Panthers/Patriots to win the SuperBowl this year.
Gisele. That's for free.
If you've got no idea what we're talking about click here to continue reading about the never-ending and now infinitely boring Puke Watson scandal.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Die Hard 8.0
The white man in South Africa needs to take a step back, look at his black brother and realise that there is a specific way you go about things if you want to achieve change.
The new wave...
Parliament yesterday passed a Bill that would finally bring an end to those pesky Scorpion fuckers that keep taking Parliamentarians into questioning regarding how they send their offspring to private schools, and wives for 5 star tourist jaunts paying with travelers cheques. You can always spot a good MP on a Friday afternoon at the liquor depot buying a bottle of Hennessey and crate of black label quartzs and tendering voyager miles as cash.
Pronking for deer life..?
Nkosi Comrade JZ wants prosecutions to be dropped. Wham bang a hundred and thirty thousand, newly privatized mini bus taxis descended into the dustbowl that is Maritzburg, and play nothing but hard base kwaito until the presiding officer drops the ball. There is a strong lesson to be taken here.
Kaizer Chiefs want to make the final of that cool soccer competition where the public vote via sms to select the challengers. Wham bang 43 millions smses are sent off vodacoms website in 37 minutes.There is a strong lesson to be taken here.
Today the Cape Times reported that disgruntled white people are up in arms about the Sports Ministries attack on their Bok emblem, wham bang, 8 people marched down Roeland street to Parliament yesterday.
Uniform item 3: Standard issue outdated bonehead eye apparel.
Oh my fuck arre you kidding. 8 people. Just 8 people? Were the other 99 992 caught in traffic?
You can´t play a competitive game of touch with 8 people. There were probably more people ordering those cute pink cupcakes at Charlie´s Bakery on the way down Roeland. Brothers can fit more than 8 people on the back seat of a newly privatized minibus taxi. MPs can take more family members on overseas holidays with one flight coupon. Puke Watson could invite more people over for a braai and USN shake. Okay, that is a lie but you get my point.
I would also assume that this massive mob of Bok protesters are uber stoked at making it into the papers this morning. Although I am not sure if people laughing at the ridiculousness of the sight of 8 irate marchers is akin to getting your point across.
I wish I could have seen the face of the security guard at the pearly gates. He must have been pissing him. ¨eh, please stand behind the stantion sir! eh, protesting? eh...and then¨.
I wonder if the lead Springbok zealot turned to his army and cried, ´Bokke, what are your profession?´ Marvelous.
Apparently they were disbanded in an orderly fashion before 2pm though and the Cape Town Elderly Women Against Drugs and Senseless Killing had amassed 9 people to march on Parliament to save the Robben Island rabbits. They had 9 supporters, one more than the Bok.
The white man in South Africa needs to take a step back, look at his black brother and realise that there is a specific way you go about things if you want to achieve change.
The new wave...Parliament yesterday passed a Bill that would finally bring an end to those pesky Scorpion fuckers that keep taking Parliamentarians into questioning regarding how they send their offspring to private schools, and wives for 5 star tourist jaunts paying with travelers cheques. You can always spot a good MP on a Friday afternoon at the liquor depot buying a bottle of Hennessey and crate of black label quartzs and tendering voyager miles as cash.
Parliament take on average 4 or 5 years to pass a bill. But when they really need the Bill, or face having to return your daughter´s new X3, wham bang, 100 hours later and we have no special directorate of investigations to check under the mattresses of MPs. There is a strong lesson to be taken here.
Pronking for deer life..?Nkosi Comrade JZ wants prosecutions to be dropped. Wham bang a hundred and thirty thousand, newly privatized mini bus taxis descended into the dustbowl that is Maritzburg, and play nothing but hard base kwaito until the presiding officer drops the ball. There is a strong lesson to be taken here.
Kaizer Chiefs want to make the final of that cool soccer competition where the public vote via sms to select the challengers. Wham bang 43 millions smses are sent off vodacoms website in 37 minutes.There is a strong lesson to be taken here.
Today the Cape Times reported that disgruntled white people are up in arms about the Sports Ministries attack on their Bok emblem, wham bang, 8 people marched down Roeland street to Parliament yesterday.
Uniform item 3: Standard issue outdated bonehead eye apparel.Oh my fuck arre you kidding. 8 people. Just 8 people? Were the other 99 992 caught in traffic?
You can´t play a competitive game of touch with 8 people. There were probably more people ordering those cute pink cupcakes at Charlie´s Bakery on the way down Roeland. Brothers can fit more than 8 people on the back seat of a newly privatized minibus taxi. MPs can take more family members on overseas holidays with one flight coupon. Puke Watson could invite more people over for a braai and USN shake. Okay, that is a lie but you get my point.
I would also assume that this massive mob of Bok protesters are uber stoked at making it into the papers this morning. Although I am not sure if people laughing at the ridiculousness of the sight of 8 irate marchers is akin to getting your point across.
I wish I could have seen the face of the security guard at the pearly gates. He must have been pissing him. ¨eh, please stand behind the stantion sir! eh, protesting? eh...and then¨.
I wonder if the lead Springbok zealot turned to his army and cried, ´Bokke, what are your profession?´ Marvelous.
Apparently they were disbanded in an orderly fashion before 2pm though and the Cape Town Elderly Women Against Drugs and Senseless Killing had amassed 9 people to march on Parliament to save the Robben Island rabbits. They had 9 supporters, one more than the Bok.
Two try debut...
I am not one hundred percent sure where I have been the past few weeks, but it seems I let this one slip past the keeper. Well I have shamefully retrieved it from the back of the net and handing it to you on a pillow.
On the 3rd October UCT RFC most expensive export, Matt Turner, touched down twice in his debut at new English Club Bristol in the EDF Energy Cup.
Not only did Turner score twice he was also monumental of defense with a massive try saving hit and scintillating on attack with some impressive line breaks. Check out the write up at www.bristolrugby.co.uk/5633.php.
How do you think WP feel about not even selecting this guy for u21 side.
Oh and his debut was against the Northhampton Saints, ie: Carlos Spencer´s team...
*Turner is currently in England´s 7s coach Ben Ryan´s 26 man training squad that will be cut to twelve for the Dubai 7s tournament in November.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Your father´s blessing...
People aren´t old fashioned enough these days. No I wasn´t around when Frank swung ladies around d-floors in a tux but I have heard about the new age interpretation of Black Tie as a dress code and one would be forgiven for thinking society´s handle on class seems to be slipping. This is why this is so priceless.
You have to enjoy mother-in-law and sister/cousin/brother-in-law to be in the front here.
Thanks dad.
People aren´t old fashioned enough these days. No I wasn´t around when Frank swung ladies around d-floors in a tux but I have heard about the new age interpretation of Black Tie as a dress code and one would be forgiven for thinking society´s handle on class seems to be slipping. This is why this is so priceless.
Just the right amount of truth..!
Your dad is onto something there pal...
You have to enjoy mother-in-law and sister/cousin/brother-in-law to be in the front here.
Thanks dad.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I predict a riot...
Oh wait, that could be another British band with football connections. Never mind, the point is this is one of those cool uncanny coincidences that gets the mind a marveling.
Hull City football side got moved up to the English Premier division this season and are doing fairly well. They are sitting at the business end of the log so far after victories against big names like Arsenal, Fulham, Tottenham.
Housemartins: Because we knew Backstreet Boys would be taken.Here is the trivia: In the 1980s an English indie pop rock band the Housemartins, who hail from Hull City released their first album in 1986 entitled
London 0, Hull 4.
Predicting a further hit...number 17!As you do the math you will realise that Arsenal, Fulham and Tottenham are all London based football clubs. London 0, Hull 3. And today, Hull match up against Westham United. Another London side. I predict a riot?
Addendum: Former Housemartins member Norman Cook, left the band and became the world famous Fatboy slim.
Trivia: Rockstar 1, Rockstar readers 0.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Red flag on blue flag...
Shock horror. Something awful is going on at our own piece of pristine wonderland. It appears a thick tar like substance is trickling out of a pipe onto Clifton 2 (a close cousin of rockstar beach) but thankfully 2nd - as the locals throw it around - is enough of a distant cousin of rockstar beach, for RSB to be untainted and still in pristine condition.
Authorities are perplexed as to what the substance is exactly. Last time there was copious amounts of red ooze all over clifton summers of 02 through to 07 authorities suspected it was somehow linked to the red bait phenomenon but further investigation found it the be the blood of any touch team that stood in the way of Rockstar crowning glory as team of the season.
Authorities have ruled out black bait as that doesn´t exist but some are speculating that Puke Watson bought an apartment in C2, and while he eats his spaghetti bolognaise alone, and did his laundry alone, he drank a bottle of black sambuca only to try numb the pain at not being a viable line-out option...
Shock horror. Something awful is going on at our own piece of pristine wonderland. It appears a thick tar like substance is trickling out of a pipe onto Clifton 2 (a close cousin of rockstar beach) but thankfully 2nd - as the locals throw it around - is enough of a distant cousin of rockstar beach, for RSB to be untainted and still in pristine condition.
Authorities are perplexed as to what the substance is exactly. Last time there was copious amounts of red ooze all over clifton summers of 02 through to 07 authorities suspected it was somehow linked to the red bait phenomenon but further investigation found it the be the blood of any touch team that stood in the way of Rockstar crowning glory as team of the season.
Authorities have ruled out black bait as that doesn´t exist but some are speculating that Puke Watson bought an apartment in C2, and while he eats his spaghetti bolognaise alone, and did his laundry alone, he drank a bottle of black sambuca only to try numb the pain at not being a viable line-out option...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Philanthropy gets you laid...
Leaving on a j-et plane, don´t know if we want you back again...
Admittedly the press in SA are so screwed up that the article intimates a move abroad yet, when you read the quotes you can see the subject was merely discussed in passing rather than with actual purpose. So don´t get your hopes up. He probably isn´t going anywhere.Although this was also in the article and I love how the opportunity to comment on a side issue was taken.
´But Watson Snr said: "Luke is born in South Africa. Why must he pack his bags? And I believe deep in my heart that the overwhelming majority of the Afrikaans speaking people don't see any colour."´
How is the second part of that anywhere related to the question?
Excuse Mr Henson, where will you e going for summer? ´After graduation I will spend some time on Clifton 4, and yes I think you should vote for Obama just because his economic policies seem more in line with alleviating the situation of the middle and lower class than aiming to further entrench the large economic class disparity across America. Thank you for your time.´
Okay, I haven´t tested this idea but it makes perfect sense. Whilst you are clad in nothing but khaki cargo pants and a dusty vest bottle feeding Kenyan aids orphan out of your self-funded mobile goodwill charity shelter for underprivileged African baby orphans, and a busload of European glamour models on a shoot for Vogues new African summer theme arrives you are guaranteed to be woken up with ´good morning gorgeous´ mouthed in Italian, French and Spanish the next morning.
I promise you guys, she fell out of the sky just like that vodacom ad with those Bushmen guys. I think it is called a parachute...
The more I think about it the more philanthropy appeals to me. We are as such starting a charity. We urge you, we implore you, we beg you, we appeal to your better conscious and good will, please will you donate any money, asset of value or voyager miles to our cause. We are sending Puke Watson overseas...
If you were taller, you could reach for it yourself...
´Controversial loose forward Luke Watson has several lucrative offers from clubs abroad should he wish to continue his career outside South Africa.
In an interview with the Breakfast team of the Bloemfontein-based radio station, OFM, Watson's agent Jason Smith confirmed that "we have had some interest from overseas clubs" for Watson for the last 12 months.
"If Luke decides that he wants to play in Europe, these opportunities will definitely be available," Smith told the radio station.
Watson's father, Cheeky Watson, confirmed "there is already a big offer on the table."´
Fuckin awesome. If they are playing for his whey shakes, and nervousa counselling, I will personally drive the fundraiser for his airfare. Fuck it, he is flying first class. I hear the toilets are closer to the seats in case he gets airsick, or just sick of being short.
Leaving on a j-et plane, don´t know if we want you back again...Admittedly the press in SA are so screwed up that the article intimates a move abroad yet, when you read the quotes you can see the subject was merely discussed in passing rather than with actual purpose. So don´t get your hopes up. He probably isn´t going anywhere.Although this was also in the article and I love how the opportunity to comment on a side issue was taken.
´But Watson Snr said: "Luke is born in South Africa. Why must he pack his bags? And I believe deep in my heart that the overwhelming majority of the Afrikaans speaking people don't see any colour."´
How is the second part of that anywhere related to the question?
Excuse Mr Henson, where will you e going for summer? ´After graduation I will spend some time on Clifton 4, and yes I think you should vote for Obama just because his economic policies seem more in line with alleviating the situation of the middle and lower class than aiming to further entrench the large economic class disparity across America. Thank you for your time.´
Monday, October 13, 2008
The real reason...
If you are anywhere near a newspaper right now you can smell the noxious smell of stomach content as a sportsman famous for his wretch-inducing self-obsessed outcries has out down himself with his latest splurge.
Little boy Puke Watson has created himself a reputation of being the Julius Malema of sports as he makes a concerted effort time and time again to get the attention he so badly craves. This time we he went on about how thee problem with SA rugby is that it is controlled by Dutchmen", and that SA rugby is "rotten to the core". These, although important to some pale in significance when compared to my two favourite snippets.
Watson claims "the men who sit on my left and right of me in the change room despise me for who I am". Watson submits that his dad´s political history is the reason for this hatred.
Added to this the short dude said "Me having to wear the Springbok jersey, to keep myself from vomiting on it, because there is a bigger picture, because men and women have bled for me to get there¨.
The second bit is hardly akin to any form of eloquence so I am not a hundred percent sure where he is going with that except insofar as admitting to anorexia.
Anorexia Nervosa is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes an eating disorder characterized by low body weight and body image distortion with an obsessive fear of gaining weight. Individuals with anorexia are known to commonly control body weight through the means of voluntary starvation, purging, vomiting, excessive exercise, or other weight control measures, such as diet pills or diuretic drugs.
I took the liberty of googling us a workable definition of anorexia nervosa so we can make some sense of the Watson´s claims.
I wish I was a baller, I wish I was taller...Shame poor little Puke. He attributes the fact that others hate him to the acts of his father rather than be realistic about it as being because he is a little twatty bitch that spends his life trying to jump into the camera lens.
I feel sorry for Puke. If I was that short amongst tall people I would also want to vomit all over myself...Don´t hate Puke, he hates himself enough...
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Gotta get me some of those...
Although South Africa is on the lowest tip of Africa and pretty fuckin´ far from where the rest of the world plays their little games we are fairly in tune with things when it comes to modern developments and new ideas. That is why, SA has been hit so hard with this green nike craze that is stripping footwear minded people across the globe of all sense and sensibility.
Everyone is obsessed with the latest Green Nikes.
And why wouldn´t you be...
Although South Africa is on the lowest tip of Africa and pretty fuckin´ far from where the rest of the world plays their little games we are fairly in tune with things when it comes to modern developments and new ideas. That is why, SA has been hit so hard with this green nike craze that is stripping footwear minded people across the globe of all sense and sensibility.
Everyone is obsessed with the latest Green Nikes.
And why wouldn´t you be...
lЭто почему в России, мы имеем водочку..!
GH: Hey Cousin Vlad, I see your apartment isn´t like the palatial Russian state house you described it as...
CV: Fuck вы.
GH: It must be freezing in winter, but summer in that shithole slum must be horrendous. Now that you are a millionaire from stealing natural gas from krygystan how will you fight the heat?
CV: Fuck вы вы свинья.
GH: Oh I see.
CV: Fucking жара.
GH: Umm...Vlad.
CV: Fucking польские работники никудышны.
GH: Cool.
CV: Fuck.
GH: Hey Cousin Vlad, I see your apartment isn´t like the palatial Russian state house you described it as...
CV: Fuck вы.
GH: It must be freezing in winter, but summer in that shithole slum must be horrendous. Now that you are a millionaire from stealing natural gas from krygystan how will you fight the heat?
CV: Fuck вы вы свинья.
GH: Oh I see.
CV: Fucking жара.
GH: Umm...Vlad.
CV: Fucking польские работники никудышны.
GH: Cool.
CV: Fuck.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
When in France...
On Tuesday night French super rugby club Stade Francais unveiled their new 3rd strip. They are know for their awesome rugby - 6 and 0 this season - and flamboyant dress sense but they have taken it further with this new strip.
Oh and it is available for 75 euros online...
On Tuesday night French super rugby club Stade Francais unveiled their new 3rd strip. They are know for their awesome rugby - 6 and 0 this season - and flamboyant dress sense but they have taken it further with this new strip.
Après le maillot bleu et le maillot "Tie and Dye", le Stade Français a dévoilé son troisième maillot sur les Champs Elysées, à l'Adidas Store. Ce maillot reprend le visage de la Blanche de Castille façon Andy Warhol. Il est disponible dès aujourd'hui sur la boutique en ligne .
I got this from the teams website. Unless you are royferguson or a cape town car guard you might struggle with the translation. I think what they are saying is the jersey takes the face of the Blanche of Castile - two time French ruler in the 13th century - and andywarhols the hell out of it. Lovely.
Oh and it is available for 75 euros online...
Hey brew...
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing
organizations retire to the bar at the end of the day.
Pity they didn´t buy six packs...Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouts to the barman: 'In Australia, we make the
best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, mate.'
Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: 'In the States, we brew the king
of them all - gimme a Bud.'
Argentina: Cold Aquila, very hot...weather..!Hans steps up next: 'In Germany ve invented beer. Give me un Helles, ze
REAL King of beers..'
Grolsch: all about the top...when its off..!Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, follows by stating that Grolsch is the
ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of foam on top.
Like millers needs promoting..?Norman, chairman of SAB, is next: 'Barman, give me a diet Coke with ice
and lemon please.'
The other four stare at him in stunned silence, then Bruce asks: 'Aren't
you going to have a Castle, Norm?'
Norman replies 'Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, then neither am
I.'
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Because we´re objective...
I did want to post a picture of the guy I saw today wearing a matching belt and tshirt I am a big drinker combo - belt was metal with WASTED written on it, and tshirt read ´dip me in beer and throw me to the drunk chicks´ - but I regrettably couldn´t take a photo. I actually regret not pointing out to him that you can´t drink yourself pretty more though. Instead I´ll just have to show that we aren´t politically one sided...
You see. We´re have multiple good sides. Okay, I am kidding, I mean we´re politically impartial, or apathetic, whatever...you know. Duh, everyone knows our multiple good sides are actually great...
I did want to post a picture of the guy I saw today wearing a matching belt and tshirt I am a big drinker combo - belt was metal with WASTED written on it, and tshirt read ´dip me in beer and throw me to the drunk chicks´ - but I regrettably couldn´t take a photo. I actually regret not pointing out to him that you can´t drink yourself pretty more though. Instead I´ll just have to show that we aren´t politically one sided...
You see. We´re have multiple good sides. Okay, I am kidding, I mean we´re politically impartial, or apathetic, whatever...you know. Duh, everyone knows our multiple good sides are actually great...
Back door success and look-a-likes...
WP Rugby Union, who´s senior side is a weekend away from failing to make the semi-finals of the countries premier rugby competition, (premier because it is the only one) have launched an all out offensive to try sneak their woeful team of arrogant 6-down specialists into the semi-finals. And yes, they are trying to sneak them through the back door.
Province had the chance to look in at a semi last week but failed to get a bonus point 4th try. Now they have a shot so mathematical Pythagorus couldn´t work it out so have made an application to SARU to dock the Cheetahs the 5 points they earned on the weekend, for an illegal use of a player.
Hennie Daniller played for the Cheetahs on Friday night and then for the Griffons on saturday when they beat the SWD Eagles in the First Division. The loser Eagles have also complained.
The two unions content that this is an abuse of the loan system in which Currie Cup (Premier Division) teams can make available players to First Division teams.
Strangely, SARU rules actually specifically state the two competitions are totally separate entities and both Unions are within the law with what they did regarding Daniller.
What I love is that the law is so black and white - admittedly possibly in need of change - but still very clear, yet WP STILL try and chance their luck and sneak into the semis through the backdoor. Slimey fuckers...
It reeks of sour grapes. I love a bad loser...
Moving along...
It appears Heath Ledger and Hayden Christensen have taken up rugby. Okay, wait Ledger is dead, so it must be the joker. Either way it is fairly bizarre!
Both were contending for the English number 10 jersey for the
November tests. Actually the Joker just dislocated a shoulder and is out for ages, whereas funnily enough Young Ankin is just coming back after a lengthy injury lay off to claim the jersey. Jokes on you pal...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)