Fantastic British Humour...

*BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) *
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.

*BBC NORFOLK*
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with *What A Wonderful World*?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand
and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song *What
A Wonderful World*?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

*LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)*
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question.
In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

*THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
*Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all
written books about their experiences in what - Prison or the Conservative
Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

*BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) *
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

*UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE*
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

*GWR FM (Bristol) *
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

*RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) *
Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about
pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.

*PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) *
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

*RICHARD AND JUDY
*Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

*RICHARD AND JUDY*
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er .....
Leslie: He makes bread.
Contestant: Er .....
Leslie: He makes cakes.
Contestant: Kipling Street?

*LINCS FM PHONE-IN
*Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

*NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)*
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

*ROCK FM (PRESTON) *
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a
famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

*THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) *
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

*JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) *
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .... er....
er.... three?

*CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)*
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.
Caller: Er .... Mexico?

*PAUL WAPPAT(BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) *
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after a long pause): Fourteen days.

*DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVE TIME (VIRGIN RADIO)*
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

*PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) *
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er .....
Wood: It's got two syllables ..... Kor ....
Contestant: Blimey!
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run.
Contestant: ..... (silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I .....?
Contestant: Walked?

*THE VAULT *
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer
can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

*LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) *
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

*STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) *
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character
clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.

I look forward to Supersports Hilights reel of Piddy Divvys rugby comments..