RSJL Article 16 The Approach

In a post I recently touched upon the important Subject of “The Approach”. The importance of this subject is so important it is followed around by inverted commas and capital letters wherever it goes…

Right now it is going nowhere. Because it is here with “You…”

To loosely define the Subject I work in close proximity with the Oxford Concise English dictionary. “To advance, move toward, loom or come within reach of an object with intention.” The object? A female…

There is one Golden Rule in regard to ‘Approaching’ a girl: “Never approach a girl...!”

If I was so naïve to believe you just mentally ingested that with less effort than an obese girl does a hotdog I would leave this article here and go home to watch Boston Legal reruns. Bingo

I am not going home. You need to know this..!

This Golden Rule was not just thought up willy-nilly by chance. It has been passed down for generations through oral history by our rockstar ancestors and is the key to getting laid, I mean, life. Which if you give it due consideration…is one and the same!

The GR is premised on a reality of life that is as eternal as death, taxes and nurses; that reality being that women have all the power. It stands to reason that because men find women more attractive than women find men and because men crave to get women naked and sweaty that women have the power to say No, and hence they have the power to determine when it happens legally, like it should despite satirical cartoons.

Hence, women are the prey of men yet the preyed upon determine when the feast is. But thankfully, like death, taxes and nurses, the wielding of power can be cheated. And the Golden Rule is the only way to beat Joe Black.

In a nutshell. The power of women is sourced from the inevitably of men approaching them. Pretty girls know that ogling men are going to proposition, approach and hunt them until the day they aren’t pretty anymore. Take away her multiply propositions, approaches and hunters and she is left standing at the bar in her sexy ‘I’m going to dance all night outfit’ alone. Bingo. Ball in her court.

You may deem it necessary to interject at this point exasperated at my lack of foresight at not realizing that since other guys are unaware of the Golden Rule she will continue to get hit on and be oblivious to your disregard. Relax little ones, that is to our advantage.

Since she was old enough to wear a training bra, our pretty young belter has realized that she stands provocatively in the spotlight of all men and she has never lacked being lavished with attention from every man under the sun. Hence being ignored to her is unheard of and she won’t believe it. She will deny the possibility. She will be indignant. She will be flabbergasted. She will be weak. And that is where we want it…

Before picking back up with where we want her I must stress the first addendum to the Golden Rule. The addendum qualifies your actions, and outlines your intention to her. The thing is she must understand that you have noticed her. She must realize you find her the most attractive girl in the room. She must realize you are confident and relaxed in being yourself. And she must realize that despite this, you still don’t harbour the inclination to make the first approach.

How you do this is fairly simple. If you get introduced by a mutual friend, perfect! Kindly make her acquaintance then back off and wait. She will size you up in 2 seconds. [see Chris Rock’s standup thoughts about how a women makes the call whether you’re husband material and whether she will sleep with you or not in the first 30 nanoseconds of meeting] Once she realizes you find her attractive yet won’t approach she is hooked. Bingo.

No introduction? Easy! Never underestimate the power of an eye fuck. Girls loving being appreciated. Don’t eye rape her, eye fuck her. Make her feel like you want her, but not that you want her more than anything.

Right, back to where we want her! (initially that is, I can’t skip to on all fours on your couch just yet). So she knows you’ve seen her and the shit is confused out of her as to why you aren’t like every guy. This is where she gets her power into play.

She starts to toss her long silky hair. She positions herself so she is facing you with her body but not directly. She makes eye contact and then extends her sight over your shoulder. She gets up and finds a reason to walk past your line of sight, like going to the bathroom, bar, chat to a friend or look for an earring under your chair. When these start happening you’re in the money and the iron is hot.

It is at this junction that I must reveal certain important information. The type girl in the scenario so far and what you want from her are two crucial variables that determine how you will “Approach” her. The girl and your intentions are like line and length when you determine which shot you choose to unleash from your AB arsenal during the final of your action cricket game next Tuesday. I am struggling with tense right now but I know that doesn’t faze you.

All the above information is premised on you wanting a ‘non-psychotic (as-femalely-possible)’ belter with a healthy lack of inhibition for a pleasurable night of hedonistic possibility. If you want a straight up crackwhore for some car park backseat action you can stop throwing caution to the wind and approach the girl in clear-heels because she is the type of girl that doesn’t require the hard work of anti-approaching. We shall return to types of girls later and it ties up with further issues.

We left off with a hot iron. She is tossing her hair like a bronco does man clad in chaps and a Stetson giving you the sultry eyes of passion. It is at this point that she is so fuming that you haven’t approached her that you sneakily step into her path so you make the step forward for her so much easier. How?

The mutual friend she just walked away from? Go strike up conversation and she will return like rain in a Cape Town winter. She has nearly finished her drink? Make your way to the bar. She looks at her glass and realizes perfect time to accidentally sidle up to gorgeous petulant aloof rockstar.

When she bites, and she will. Then just turn on the "yourself" button. The anti-approach is time consuming and requires patience. You have to be like Anthony Tuitavake hovering on the blindside wing waiting for Luke McAllister to forge the half gap. Patience, timing and hit the line at pace. She will be fully undressed bar the sexy heels perpetuating my bucking bronco metaphor from earlier in no time…

A few cautionary notes:

- Pick your target. You have to choose an outrageously belter girl. They’re the ones that will be most indignant about not being “Approached”. Averagely pretty girls are used to getting not noticed or blown off so she doesn’t have the confidence to think you actually have the balls to ignore her or to come to you and get rejected.

- The ‘ugly duckling’. This girl only started looking like Anna Barros in the most recent 25% of her life. She ISN’T used to get hit on and doesn’t think she is pretty. Therefore she also doesn’t have the confidence to fall prey to your suggestive luring.

- The full on slut. This girl will approach you without any aforementioned luring. She will come no matter what. Be wary! You want her to see how the CD shuffle works in the backseat of your GTI great! But if you’re not too partial to being unable to urinate without a burning sensation let her go on her way.

The kicker hypothetical exclusion:

I steer these waters with massive caution as I have never actually navigated them yet. As just expertly expounded to you our faithful readership the Golden Rule is subject to certain provisions. The most important is this hypothetical example: The Girl you do Approach.

Basically she is the showstopper of all belters and seems to bounce around the room like she is floating on a cloud and grounded like normal humans, or her elevated status could be as a result of her angel wings or the merely the justified pedestal she stands on. This girl you do approach, because she is so mind-numbingly hot she doesn’t get approached. Even the most cocksure false bravado percentage playas with stories of his black Ammex and Clifton villa don’t approach her because her beauty is so intimidating.

This girl you approach, because despite her showstopping looks she is humble and down to earth and normal because she has never been inundated with millions of idiots before you so doesn’t have the female power wall erected. Go for her…