The GROUP used to be one forged on solidarity, proximity and goodlooks. The middle of the triad has fallen away but the other 2 have just increased exponentially. Spread across the globe like African footballers we keep our lives mingled by email and visiting each other in our power caves. No cameras are allowed in the caves, but I can show you an email...
The GROUP member shall remain anonymous since I couldn't get his necessary consent for this so when he comes out from walking through the jungle in Borneo and checks the site he might be surprised.
This is the poetic extract:
"Moving along...at the same time Richie was deep inconversation with by far one of the hottest blonde girls I have ever seen. I lunged, she said her ex boyfriend was standing behind me gnawing off the top of a Hennessey Brandy bottle and crouching in 'kill pretty cape town boy position'. My tongue rolled off eloquent reasons why she should get over him and onto me. I walked away head held high and hit the dancefloor.
Read that again if you dont believe me, but it is true. Jamming away with 4 other bermuda boys and she pulls up. I enquire about whether she is here to live her life or not. She replied she was...I swung the shit out of her for 90minutes. I have ever danced only 93minutes in my life and the first 3 min were with my mom at my brothers wedding but for an hour and a half I was Frank, I was Vincent Vega, I was fuckin Robbie Williams. She loved it.
The events that follow are hazy but priceless so going in point for:
O4h30- music off, lights on, kissing the NUMBER 1 belter on Sunrise's dancefloor.
04h31- last english person in Sunrise.
04h35- swept out by management.
04h36 - hoisted onto shoulders of random awestruck locals for kissing their NUMBER 1.
04h40 - Sitting in front seat of my hosts four door Ford Streamer with her in the driving seat and 5 people wedged in the back seat
04h40 30secs - Two of the 5 are female, one of which is her digsmate
04h41 - the other 4 live in the same complex as her, hence the lift.
04h42 - one of the guys is massive!
04h43 - massive guy is drunk, aggressive and quoting Jimmy Abbot.
04h44 - massive guy has labelled captain insano as his most respected wrestler (massive guy now referred to as capt insano)
04h45 - a minutes silence
04h46 - the startling realisation that captain insano is in fact the exboyfriend of previously mentioned NUMBER 1.
04h47 - reassuring hand on Richie's leg from NUMBER 1 not as reassuring as one would expect. 04h59 - safetly inside #1's apartment wishing digsmate goodnight as she heads for bed.
05h00 - standing naked inside #1's room with naked #1 on knees, on floor, conducting fabulous fellatio.
05h00-05h45 many many many slippery sexy porno steamy epidsodes of repeated physical interaction. #1 not believing the skill of young well trained Mens Health rockstar. Richie thanked MH.
05h46 - straddling Richie with her virgin active thighs #1 asks if Richie wants to go 'further'.
Richie replied: "I am sorry if I have given you the wrong impression but I am not that kind of guy, I dont have sex without protection, and since I don't have any on me, I am content to just lie here and continue to do the awesome things we have been doing because it has been sensational...unless...you have one???"
05h47 - Sad and forlawn #1 lies on side facing away from Richie.
05h48 - whilst administering the famous dean kerr thumb to cheer upsad #1, Richie notices her grab her phone from bedside table. disgruntled at her distracting actions, Richie asks if she is looking to take photos..?
05h48 30s - peeved at her lack of reply and her aloof demeanour Richie rolls onto his back leaving her...
05h49 - Angel #1 straddles Richie again and says in roman dialect, "don't stress sweetie" and kisses him on the nose.
05h59 10s - muffled knock at door! Angel #1 jumps off Richie's spartan abs and bounces to the door. It opens an inch. Angel 1 return to straddle spartan abs holding a durex in her hand...
SHE SMSED HER DIGSMATE!!!! Rockstar....!!!!!
I got home at 11am and I was a grizzly...."
This goes down at one of my favourite stories, and you have to love how he rights in 3rd person! Richie (ha) when you are done fighting crime in the south pacific and flying helicopters in Uganda you come back here and fight like a man. I'll probably still be at varsity so might even buy you a cheecken. Love you work chief.
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