Spam Male or Type A jock..?

Despite one or two girls I wooed using exclusively my extensive knowledge of female fashion accessories, my premeditated renditions of heart-string pulling Sex & the City episodes, sequential tirades of romcom quotes, lasciviously long eyelashes and the odd ballroom dancing move, no girl has ever questioned my sexual design or orientation.

There was also that one hefty butch girl that questioned it after I refused to give in to her abandon-less drunken advances but I think she thought I was gay and her physical demeanour would fly her under the radar and into my pants.

I stand by a long history of heterosexuality and manliness that would make the first round draft pick of the NFL feel [colts still unbeaten by the way, 6-0] girlish. I am a fuckin' Alpha Male. I am such an Alpha Male I refer to myself as one. I refer to myself in the 3rd person, fuck it sometimes the 4th person. And I liken myself to wild, robust manly animals. GH, called GH the Wolf...!

However, the one place you don't hear about my masculinity is on my email address. And this is where my point comes to the coverpage.


Why the hell then does the spam mail I receive know that I am a guy? For arguments sake, don't reach for the 'comment link' below and type in 'cause you have a guys name in your e-dress', because I would have realised that and I don't.

I get more penis spam in one day than your average gynaecologist gets snatch. I draw one of two possible conclusions. 1- Spam mail isn't designed for women so everyone just gets exclusively male directed spam, or 2- they don't make the female equivalent of 'make your junk slinger 3 inches larger'*.

*words not belonging to the author.

Since the first conclusion is implausible and as I know all about boob lifting bras, fat hiding ass corsets and ugliness covering makeup the second conclusion is impossible too.

Smoke, mirrors and a phallus.

Therefore we are left with; my masculinity is at musking elk status and permeates through the 'interweb' as it would if I was doing shirtless push ups at a single mothers Tupperware convention...

Spam isn't annoying its a tribute...but I swear if I get one more email about how to trim that annoying extra 5 inches to aid maneuverability and access I'll slap it on Bill G's laptop.