Life’s little pleasures that are associated with the more regular occurrence of warm days as spring swiftly turns into summer are as plentiful as yellow umbrellas on Clifton 4. The sun comes up earlier, it goes down later, you no longer have to sport a jersey to campus and you no longer have to get drenched by cold rain and battered by strong winds.
The marvellous weather translates into other fantastic pleasures; like days spread eagled on hot squeaky sand, afternoon touch games, bitterly cold MGDs in bottles covered in perspiration and best of all skankily, I mean scantily, clad women lying next to you in the sand, admiring your touch skills or serving those millers.
Alas, as with everything in life, be they good or bad they have exact opposites. So for every fantastically good thing, there is a terribly bad thing. Kind of like how every good thing is this world has an equaliser. Think, a chicken burger and res food. Think, Nelson Mandela and Jacob Zuma. Think, beach-day Sundays and exam preparation. Think, that blonde girl on the stepper in gym, and her form-lacking boyfriend. Think, Richie Macaw and Luke Watson. Enough said…
Okay so what is wrong with an incredibly sexy belter bouncing along the campus promenade on a sweltering day sporting cute little shorty shorts exposing her long limber ‘please wrap those around my waist’ legs? In a word: nothing. As nothing is wrong with it specifically, but the evil equaliser to the shorts belter is her frumpy friend trudging along side her, budget role in one hand and cigarette in the other.
I understand how fashion is so important nowadays and Miranda Priestly taught me that the very average person wears a blue jumper from a sales bin because the devil wore turquoise prada last season but why? I repeat earnestly, BUT WHY? must a girl not built for skimpy shorts sport them just cause they are fashionable.
You see. Tight little shorts look good on a tight little ass because they show off the tight little ass. It would be the logical fallacy of presuming the antecedent to then infer that the ass looks tight and good because of the shorts! If you reading this wacky Wednesday please pay close attention. If you’re the type of girl that would only look hot in the awaiting trial cell at pollsmoor you shouldn’t be wearing any type of clothing designed to look taut on Kate Moss!
--------------------------------------------Taut!!!
However I am not only preaching my urgent plea here to the girls that are shaped like a Clifton 4 granadilla lollie! Cast your rockstar knowledge back to a superbly written article a while back (article 7) that dealt with the phenomenon of ‘cheating’. Well, average girls in risqué outfits that expose their averageness is the equivalent to anti-cheating.
You may have a respectable form and even a hot characteristic but show us the orange peel cellulite on your inner thigh whilst you’re trying to match your bouncing belter friend walk up jammie and we’re more inclined to tighten our core to holster the automatic vomit reflex than to lie you down and rub Nivea into your thighs. Which by the way, you should go home and do right now…
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