Turf wars...

Do you have one of those friends in your little pseudo clickie group that takes huge pleasure in finding opportunities where he is better versed on a topic than the rest of you and makes outrageous diversions from the truth to 'wow the crowd' with his superior knowledge because he knows you know just as little as he does on the topic so you won't call him on the validity of his recklessness statements? [fuckin long question I know but 'long' is a theme here at RSLJ]

You know what I mean though? The guy who goes sightseeing in Dordrecht with his parents over the holidays and comes back saying shit like 'the average girl in Dordrecht is so hot she makes Minki look like that Zuraide Jardine'! He is the authority on the subject so you can't accuse him on talking crap. Anyway, we in the pseudo online enthusiast group have a friend like that! And he throws around 'facts' with such abandon he makes a Stephan Glass article looks like the Gospel of Job.

Well stand down big guy. I am calling it. We have a policy here of non-disclosure. It keeps us on the moral high ground and purveys qualities that women find attractive like loyalty and integrity. Good thing my looks surpass my other qualities sufficiently to let it slip that the site I talk of has something to do with 'dual large expanses of salt water.com'. [For our readership that falls into the 'I am not smart but can lift heavy things' category think; it rhymes with 2motionstribe]

They posted an article at the end of July advocating (and advertising) very possibly the best breakfast place in Cape Town. We are pissed off that attention has so brazenly been brought upon the place as the number of patrons is heavily affecting the once subdued and private atmosphere and slowing the food queue down even more.

Lucky for the loud mouth braggart that let the cat out the bag that it was very recently disbanded as the RSLJ Sunday morning breakfast headquarters (the bat cave is now complete so we went home) otherwise we would be placarding outside his camps bay flat with Hezbollah style tactics and paying Mavis persuadingly to urinate in his balsamic vinegar.

To correct the two factual inadequacies of the article: The initial launch price of the early bird breakfast was not a few months ago but closer to 2 years ago now and there aren't four hosts, just two. Mike and Phil are possibly the best guys in the business but to a little fellow we can understand that there appeared to be 4 of them.

Moving along. Now that the secret is out the bag I'll give you the truth about Arnolds. It was the best kept secret Town had to offer. The service was friendly but tired. On the Roy Ferguson service rating guide they got a shocking 4 out of 10. They go through waitrons like Jake White goes through flyhalves. However what they lack in common sense, aesthetic appeal and efficiency they make up for in their pleasant and laid back demeanor.

The food actually comes out incredibly slowly and you can't make variations to the standard form but you've seen the Amstel Theory. Excellence is worth waiting for, and the man in charge of the spatula knows how to make an egg. As breakfast experiences go, it doesn't get better. Just now we might have to wait longer for a table.

Actually, whom I kidding, we get table preference whenever we go. You should have listened to Robbie Williams when he said the beauty about Cape Town is very few people know about it! Next time we'll remove those tortoise shell channels and shoot egg in your face, from a Lebanese barrel.