Easy Tiger...

I love how things in Cape Town are so hot right now one minute and then like Jaco van der Westhuzyn the next. I guess it is natural that things fluctuate between popular and detested but night clubs take it to the exteme.

Tiger filled a niche in the market with better timing than a Tiger Woods down stroke. Someone with a liquor licence could have opened a breadbin with a muncipality regulation firescape, used a half filled Ipod shuffle of contemporary dance hits plugged into an amp and charged R50 entrance and still become a super club in Claremont.

Tiger went a step further than my example. They got a really big breadbin, used an Ipod mini and had the odd student night and wham bam thank you ma'am became the night spot destination of choice of the southern suburbs (for the people of the northen suburbs too, unfortunately) for 4 nights of the week. Easy hey! The owner must be printing money.

However, success when wrongly channeled can lead to complacency and that is where the big 'striped kitty' finds itself now. Tiger has developed a reputation that is far from laudable and people are already boycotting it as a result.

This new found stigma emanates from two very real Tiger related scenarios. The first is the suspicious hangover some people are starting to wake up with, coupled with severe memory loss, a soon to develop and very justified LC and a very strange coppery flunitrazepam after taste in their mouths.

Drink spiking used to be an urban myth associated with clubs in town and Wynberg girls house parties but a recent spate of incident at Tiger has some serious rumours flying:

Rumour 1: There is some wild maniac drink spiker on the loose targeting ugly girls and guys!
Rumour 2: The Tiger management or barladies wash their glassware in pure alcohol.
Rumour 3: They buy the MyKINDA spirits brand and syphon the contents into the bottles of respectable labels.


Lets evaluate these. R3 is probably the most plausible. It is a sneaky way of selling cheap ass township liquor at premium prices, but this doesnt't explain the black outs suffered by the more northern suburb patrons as they were brought up on this KINDA low grade tipple so have a tolerance to it. R2 is also plausible as one can't detect the addition of pure alcohol in a double cane as it is masked but then I did hear it from a girl so that rules it out. R1 is a goodie and makes more sense when you think about that weirdo that walks around cavendish dressed like Bjork listening to his ipod and doing things with his hands that indicates he probably thinks he is one of those girls from Triplie Trax. The problem with this is that why the hell then does no one see the fucker? He obviously does it as a prank (no guy would otherwise to do it to ugly girls and guys) but surely since it happens so often someone will see him?

The second scenario panned out like this:

At 23h55 young Jon has been standing outside at the front of the non-moving queue for 45min. Two inebriated ugly girls (possibly prank spiked) are begging the NBA looking bouncer to allow them urgent re-entry so they can find the girl that is their lift home. Had it been a guy they were requesting entrance to find Jon wouldn't have been so sympathetic but luckily it wasn't.

The guy from "The Air Up There" (you knew you recognised him) is a steadfast as Madagascar in the Indian Ocean and won't budge. The girls are very adament and their constant begging and pleading is unheard. Eventually they resort to higher channels and request to see the Manager. The spear-looking bouncer tells them to 'Fuck Off'!

The girls then explode in a rant of non-repeatable expletives that really shouldn't come from the mouth of ladies but given the circumstances (and their slightly butch disposition) they are forgiven. The big man is more silent than a totem pole and only a touch taller.

One girl then tries to push past him to get her chubby face inside to request assitance and High Tower throws her a Butch James stiff arm and roughly shoves both girls back a large distance. Jonny's private school upbringing reminds him that never should a man physically attack a women so stands in and confronts the bouncer.

[At this point, Jonny has not really been party to the proceedings but definitely was on the girls side just cause letting them in would solve the irritating annoyance of their complaints that were ruining his already wonderful night out]

Jon: Hey Pal. That's really not necessary. They are just girls. Your excessive use of force is hardly commensurate to the problem you are faced with. I think your immediate apology is in order and that you should go to all lengths necessary to assist these young ladies.
Flagpole: What you say?
Jon: Do you speak English?
Treetop: What you say?
Jon: Can I see your passport?
Topfloor: What you say?
Jon: Work visa? Immigrant status? National ID document? Letter from the Congo Embassy? Maybe a Ghanain football shirt? Can you prove you are allowed to live and work in this country?
Jack's Beanstalk: Shut up.
Jon: You're an asshole man...

Jon then got an overhand right and a life ban...

You might be a roomy establishment with ample parking lots of bars and big crowds, but if you don't sort out your security issues you are going to have people sticking flyers on cars saying "boycott Tiger"...