RSLJ: Article 8 Angles…

Life can very easily be likened to a game. You spend a few months preparing, it begins and according to the game clock it will inevitably end. This could explain why people like sport so much. Sport is a game within your life game. Sport is like mini episodes of life that you get to either participate in or just sit back and watch.

To perpetuate my analogy many facets of life that people seek to succeed in echo a similar trait to one many sports have. At the end of a sports game the winner is usually determined by which team or individual racks up the most points. To outscore your opponent you have to exhibit an offense that trumps his defense.

So here is the thing, to be successful requires you to breakdown defensive barriers. For a pious person it would be to conquer the faith barrier and believe whole heartedly in a religion or god that you can’t test or prove. For a rugby backline player it is straightening the sliding defenses and having the pace and skill to then beat the cover. For an investment banker it would be to break into the emerging market before anyone else. For a suppressed minority it would be to abolish the restrictions of inequality. For a horny guy trying to get his freak on it would be the veil of coyness and aloofness a girl protects herself from horny guys with…

Hence I find life in many respects to be nothing more than breaking through a defense. If you find this argument non-sequitur it is probably cause you weren’t following. Moving along…

So what is the key to breaking D? I am an atheist member of a majority that has no interest in the corporate world with less skill on a rugby field than I have before a woman. However I am a skilled observer so can relate one of the most important facets of offensive play. It’s all about the angles…

Dan Carter has his flat attack drift thing which he easily straightens from to beat a slow inside defender. Reggie Bush has his unpredictable swerves, steps off both feet and more pace than a Japanese public transport system. Shaka Zulu had his bull horn frontal envelop attack that never failed. John Nash had his let your mates hit on her ugly mates tactic. Sun Tzu had so many angles of attack he wrote a book on it...

My elaborate (yet well elucidated) point? Whether you are trying to break into the corporate sphere, trying to win a Rose Bowl, crashing it up against the opposition, waging war against another state or just trying to score some hot ass you have to play the angle that suits you best and deceives the defense the most. And in that you have a winner…

To illustrate my point I am going to pillage from the lives of many idiotic men out there that don’t get laid cause they played the wrong angle. Actually it is not the wrong angle…it is the worst angle.


Drum roll please. The worst angle of attack that a guy can use to get into the pants of a prospective lady is the ‘friend angle’! [its official unabridged name is ‘ididntbackmyselftopullhersowebecamefriends angle’!] The reason is because it NEVER works. [some ‘nevers’ do have anomalies which I will explain in good time]

The reason this ‘friend angle’ is as futile as playing golf at night is that girls and guys can never be friends. Please read that again. Yes NEVER. Guys are only friends with girls under two circumstances. The first I have outlined above and the second is that he is gay. Every time a guy is friends with a girl it is cause he has the aim of trying to get into her la senzas, or he is not that way inclined...

[need I mention that every time I refer to a female I am referring to a hot female that is worth trying to jump into bed with? So if you are formulating the ‘But I have ugly girls as friends’ argument as a retort you are a perverted fuck who is trying to get ugly ass]

You see the problem with using this angle is that girls don’t realize that men are trying to project this image as a nice, lets go for coffee and be exercise and study buddy, guy as an effort to instigate a friendly game of hide the salami. This effort is horribly in vain, because girls don’t see this, they don’t consider you a threat to their chastity so they don’t consider you someone they would want exchange bodily fluids with…

It is for this reason that girls will fight whitened tooth and manicured nail with my statement that girls and guys are never friends. To them platonic has meaning; to guys it is laborious foreplay that isn’t going to get you on the scorecard.

You don’t like my theory? Test it. Go out there, find a nice broad and become friends. Straight up from the start don’t compliment her, don’t flirt with her, and certainly don’t send her any fuckme stares. The result? She will tell her she loves you! You see, girls say I love you to friends. It’s the absolute kicker. Because she does love you, as a mate.

Give up the angle bud. It’s the worst there is. One night she may get drunk and use you as an orgasm crutch but the next morning she will regret it and say she has ruined your friendship, no matter how much you protest the opposite. And don’t feel special cause you got some ass, girls kiss their girl friends all the time. If anything it just bumped you up a few notches on the will&grace ladder. Continue like this and your man card is soon to be revoked…