Audacious...

Got this emailed to me. I figure if the broad is dumb enough to believe this it is a suitable way to break it off.

Dearest Andrea,*

It is with great sorrow and remorse that I am forced to write this letter and especially under these circumstances. If only you had let me explain myself face to face when I stopped you in the gym parking lot yesterday instead of trying to run me into that guy’s Volvo. I would even had settled to explain myself over the phone as a second option had you not repeated hung up, screened my calls and then blacklisted my number. (I always knew you would harbor great perks since dating that vodacom technician in high school but I never thought they would work against me)

I am aware that this is not the best medium for which I can apologize through but alas you leave me know choice. The task I have to apologize is not an easy one. I can say nothing that will undo the damage I have done but I want to reiterate that I didn’t mean to hurt you.

It is difficult for a guy to explain to his serious girlfriend of two years that he had sex with another woman and it has led to her pregnancy. I acknowledge that for my horrid action there is no excuse but I stand (write) before you as a broken, humble and apologetic man.

I have ruined everything we ever had. The walks on camps bay, the hours making love in your school dormitory, the long conversation about life and stuff. All for what? A simple slip up whilst I was away? I never thought my aid relief in Ethiopia was ever going to lead to a wild, drunken, passionate love tryst one night. I fucked up. I don’t deserve you. I am truly sorry.

I understand that your heartache was compounded by the method you found out. I really didn’t think she was going to tell you before I could get a chance. I was always going to tell you. Unfortunately your pain will now be transformed into public suffering as I just found out that Heat magazine has got wind of the story and is running a front page article.

I am very sorry it had to happen like this.

Forever regretful and sorry,

*names have been changed to protect the innocent...