Economic Models explained with Cows

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you milk from a dairy 160 miles away

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you milk if you are a party member.

If you are not, the state has your windows broken.

EU - CRATISM

You have 2 cows.

You must weigh both and fill in twenty forms.

The state then collects the milk and throws it away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire consultants to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a

debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get

all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder

who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option

on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,

leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

THE FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot and block the roads, because you want

three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon

image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows,

but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows.

None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,

eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Unemployment in Britain is high but no-one will milk cows.

You would like to get them milked but must wait for the

risk assessment report to be translated into Polish.

Your nearest supermarket sells milk from Belgium.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the s**t out of you

and invade your country.

You now have no cows, but you do have Democracy....

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

You had two cows.

Both have disappeared through the broken gate

during the debate as to which should be milked first…

The white cow or the black cow.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You go to the beach to celebrate with a few beers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have no cows but you do have two sheep.

The one on the left looks very attractive