Cheap fruits...

I have always hated flying. Besides the fear of crashing the novelty of being airbourne kinda wore off after I was forced to experience it for 16 consecutive hours and that's not including braving traffic to the airport, waiting for a parking, queuing for your ticket, for security control, for boarding, for your seat, for access to the bathroom, for disembarking, for your luggage etc...et-fuckin-cetera...

Basically you can reduce airline travel to waiting in a series of uncomfortable positions for as long as leaving your front door to arriving at your destination takes. Now I could happily spend 16 straight hours in uncomfortable positions with this young lass but you see you still have to pay exhorbitant prices for airtravel whereas this girl looks fairly cheap...

However, the one cool perk about airtravel which made it barely stomachable (that and the same transoceanic journey would take 16 days in a canoe) was that because airline is expensive, your fellow passengers are rich enough to afford it. And since girls love money, rich guys have hot wives and hot wives produce hot daughters so you're almost guarenteed to bump into a hot girl somewhere between take-off and touch down... (Think Tyler Durden the ass or the crotch dilemma)

We now have a major problem. Low-cost airlines. They have reduced the cost of flying and made it accesible to the public. This is firmly against my beliefs of privileged capitalism but more so it has made flying the equivalent to catching the bus.

I just flew from Cape Town to Oliver Tambo I thought I was stuck in the extras-trailer for a Jeff Foxworthy roadshow. I am fine with sitting between an ex-Miss World and last years cover for SI Swimwear edition but between a khaki clad mullet sporting de la rey war hero and the obese daughter of my destination airport's namesake is not my tray of airline food. (not that I got a tray of food since my cheap ticket couldn't subsidise it or the aforementioned copulently inclined co-passenger smashed it while I closed my eyes for the take off death rattle of the cheap plane...)

And you can't really blame me for flying with this airline rather than the 4 times the price other ones since it is human nature to take the cheaper option right? Except I didn't realise my flight experience would be akin to spending a longhaul bus trip en route to attending a tow-truck convention with all the loyal members squashed around me on the back seat.

It was positively horrible. The big thing is that the normal old airfare has become so outrageously expensive in comparison that the price one would have to pay not to forego a 35ooo feet up 'reach for a dream' encounter is not feasibly. In effect the airlines have created first and second class distinctions inter-plane rather than intra-plane. And my poor middle class ass is stuck in limbo sharing cabin space with those that socialism was created for...and then have ugly daughters...