Thank God for Wonderbra...

Today is my favourite almost public holiday, National Cleavage Day. Here's wishing all of you a very happy one with uplifted...spirits. My first memories of this glorious day were at the equally glorious Fez a few years back when we ran around convincing girls and their assets to pose for photos. Its amazing what a few brutal fruits and the random naming of a day can do.

Go forth and prosper friends. I will be attending my cousins pre-wedding party where the only bosoms on show will belong to my family members and thats just wrong.

Summer Monday...



I know we've had her before, but we'll definitely have her again and again. We love this girl for many many reasons.

Post 1: A wolf among the chickens...

I had to laugh hard today so decided to share it with you. Went quietly ambling down the stairs at varsity and witness a young gun throwing a massive tantrum at the 'unavailability' of the chicken burger guy.

The soliloquy went something like this:

"What the fuck! Are you fucking kidding me? I am more starved for food than John is for action and he ain't fucking here! There is just this fuckin bare-foot earth couple wearing matching tie-dyed sarongs making flower kids on the bench. Where the fuck is my CHICKEN...?"


Classic I thought. Not to sure who John is but I suppose where there is smoke there is fire. Sorry John. Oh and by the way pal. Ash has moved the chicken burger franchise to where Steers was...

Post 2: Rockstar of the moment.

We haven't had such a quick turnover of incumbent rockstar moment holders since Dboy replaced himself after nailing number 2 in successive weeks. This week it goes to the face behind the corporate personality that is the Chicken Burger.

After years of unofficial vending out on the grassy islands pocketed around varsity, Ash has taken his franchise north into a permanent fixture that is the Food Court. He snatched the title deed out from under Steers nose like Warren Buffet in a GEICO move. Impressive Ash.

Although you are more accustomed with the prize than we are I am sure you will savour it as much as we do....

LBW: Leprechauns, Bowling and Woolmer...



Usually we try post something special about each and every major sporting event. However none of us here at RSJ really have the authority to comment extensively on the ICC World Cup. I have virtually no talent at the game, Rockstar went to a previously disadvantaged prep school so played soccer and Bball, and although Docstar had immense talent with the willow and represented some recognised sides he is busy in an innings, he came in (at) number 1...

Well this weekends cricket prompted me to cast aside my wisden inadequacies and make comment on the other side of the ICC.


Before you think I am going to goo and gush over Hershell Gibbs' big over don't get a head of ourselves. Ricky Ponting summed it up when he said: 'the stadium is so tight I mis-hit a few onto the roof'. Hershell's biggest over is in the 300s apparently so lets not overrate six 6s. Cool about Jack Daniels giving a million to a charity of his choice. We suspect it will either be Alcoholics Anonymous or the Rondebosch Home for Nymphomaniacs.

What really brought my attention to the tournament this weekend was the two "upsets" on saturday night. Bangladesh, a recognised ICC albeit part time side, beat the star studded India outfit and Ireland thrashed Pakistan. Now I love an upset. A minnow side playing out of their boots to beat an established team is great viewing, unless they do it through rolling mauls. (I am bitter still bitter about the sharks) The fact that an upset happens at a World Cup is monumental. (...Aregentina v Ireland RWC 2007 pool stages, watch this space)

It is kinda like the USA getting bunned at basketball and ice hockey every Olympics. However, I want to pose a question...

If you were a member of a top quality side going into a silverware tournament where the other top sides are in such form that you have virtually zero chance of getting near the trophy (think New Zealand, Aussie and obviously the Proteas) would you consider making more rupees in 50 overs than in your entire career as a professional sportsman???

---Luck of the Irish: Get those from your mom or did someone else make them for you?

I say damn right you would. India and Pakistan threw those games further than guys who quote about buying bottles of canes throw their names when they own up to doing so on a website. Don't give me that Irish pride on St Patrick's day crap either. It just makes my argument more plausible as it was the perfect day for an 'upset' hence clouding your judgment when you watch the hilites package.

Go watch supersport 24. The sweeping shots that led to boundaries for Bangladesh and the Irish weren't good shots, they were bad balls. And you can't really say the gentlemen of the game that play in those sides, aka Sachin, Dravid, Inzie, would NEVER consider throwing a game as wasn't Hansie the game's bigest gentlemen before they recorded his telephone conversations?


I am not singling out individuals here but in a country like India where more money goes through cricket betting than through the JSE per annum you have to wonder. Mahendra Dhoni is a world class keeper and highly rated one-day batsman, made nought and dropped a sitter in the first over. Come on!!!!

To add more spice to my theory. If you risked your life, your career and your reputation to make enough money to pack the bat away forever and someone, like your coach, threatened to expose you, would you cause their death mysteriously??? Why not? You do have the lovely alibi that your nation is so fanatical that they would kill a a scapegoat anyway so you're not the primary suspect.

Somethings not right in the windies, mon....

Mini Monday...

I think this is legal. Not quite sure. More to come today about what is legal and what ain't...

We're Better Than You ...

And yes we know it. In case those of you who are new here haven't read it before - take a look at the rockstar credo - and take special note of the part which says - when you wanted one they already had it ... Our very own Docstar has taken that to heart. Well - maybe not to heart - but certainly to his bedroom.

It's time to rock out ...

Rockstar of the Moment...



This post has been rarer than the inner thigh of an undercook first year doll of late (which is oxymoronic since there are plenty of them running around lately) and we have refused to lower the bar to allow average achievements to sneak in an award.



The bar is still fuckin high and our awardee today is fuckin worthy. Over the weekend was the famous Argus Cycle Tour and the hard training of one of our renowned rockstars Scotty Forest earned him a fuck off quick time of 2h58.

Now considering Robbie Hunter did it in around 2h40 it was certainly an effort worthy of a chicken burger. Nice work Scotty...

Crimes of passion...

There has existed much debate in this country for some time in regard to the lawlessness nature of society. Rape, murder, robbery, assault and so forth are more common conversation topics at a dinner table than an SA Super 14 victory...well...up until now...


The resurgent Sharks, clinical Cheetahs, imposing Bulls and apple cart upsetting Lions have all squeezed out some impressive victories at home and have continued the trend out over in the antipodeans, although a clever man's betting money will say the bubble is going to start bursting for these sides soon...

I predict the Sharks will actually win on tour and get a home semi before they snatch defeat from the jaws fo victory and choke like they do at every silverware party and the Bulls may also sneak a semi berth if they lucky. However the Cheetahs will need some massive luck on the road and the Lions have already peaked. The Cheetahs may snatch and grab a few but the only certain victory the Lions have left is against the Stormers.

I revert now to the intro paragraph where I started my focus with crime in our Republic. No I am not posting a Planet Rugby/Ladbrokes hybrid prediction sheet for the rest of the Super 14 but more interestingly enough I suggest I am pointing out a glaring correlation between SA rugby's recent success in the global competition and the apathetic approach to criminal laws in the country.

You see, for me the manner in which these SA sides are gaining victories round after round paints the picture for how they are going to do toward the business end of the competition and to my mind the manner of these victories is contemporaneous with the criminal activity of this country...

------------------------------The Usual Suspects...!

To exemplify my thought, it is trite that the victories of the SA sides has come from their ability to score 7 points at a time, something which was never a facet of the SA game until the introduction of the 5m penalty lineout and Blue Bulls tank formation push over. Now we have tires left right and centre with the scoreboard tic(k)ing over like a wynberg street kid under a bridge.

My crime reference? Well, because SA sides don't scores tries through the letter of the laws of the game but rather through 'burgling' them at any opportunities. Charge downs, intercepts and the Hail Mary cross field bombs are the only way SA sides score tries. The Aussies and Kiwis don't need staunch defences, they need burglar guards...

Autumn Break..!

The summer hangover has probably reached its zenith for most of you and the hard slog of varsity or, god-help-you, work is taking it's toll. It is a strange part of the year when everyone is dead keen to start afresh yet no one has fully given up on the party ideas from yester-month...

That's what is great about summer holidays in the Southern Hemisphere. They coincide with religious festivals, hence our secular states enforce work holidays and bang just like that you are seaside with hurricane glass and an umbrella.

Now depending on what is your particular brand of vodka some of you might have foregone this solar opportunity and headed Northward for some easy dead presidents, easy american ass, plentiful clean powder and apparently very flexible narcotic controls.

I for one would never consider abandoning summer for winter. However, autumn follows summer and spring follows winter...and from what friends in the North say, spring kicks autumn in the balls...

Monday...




I've decided to pick monday girls that portray my feelings... I woke up wet and in a wife beater. Fair enough...

Cheap fruits...

I have always hated flying. Besides the fear of crashing the novelty of being airbourne kinda wore off after I was forced to experience it for 16 consecutive hours and that's not including braving traffic to the airport, waiting for a parking, queuing for your ticket, for security control, for boarding, for your seat, for access to the bathroom, for disembarking, for your luggage etc...et-fuckin-cetera...

Basically you can reduce airline travel to waiting in a series of uncomfortable positions for as long as leaving your front door to arriving at your destination takes. Now I could happily spend 16 straight hours in uncomfortable positions with this young lass but you see you still have to pay exhorbitant prices for airtravel whereas this girl looks fairly cheap...

However, the one cool perk about airtravel which made it barely stomachable (that and the same transoceanic journey would take 16 days in a canoe) was that because airline is expensive, your fellow passengers are rich enough to afford it. And since girls love money, rich guys have hot wives and hot wives produce hot daughters so you're almost guarenteed to bump into a hot girl somewhere between take-off and touch down... (Think Tyler Durden the ass or the crotch dilemma)

We now have a major problem. Low-cost airlines. They have reduced the cost of flying and made it accesible to the public. This is firmly against my beliefs of privileged capitalism but more so it has made flying the equivalent to catching the bus.

I just flew from Cape Town to Oliver Tambo I thought I was stuck in the extras-trailer for a Jeff Foxworthy roadshow. I am fine with sitting between an ex-Miss World and last years cover for SI Swimwear edition but between a khaki clad mullet sporting de la rey war hero and the obese daughter of my destination airport's namesake is not my tray of airline food. (not that I got a tray of food since my cheap ticket couldn't subsidise it or the aforementioned copulently inclined co-passenger smashed it while I closed my eyes for the take off death rattle of the cheap plane...)

And you can't really blame me for flying with this airline rather than the 4 times the price other ones since it is human nature to take the cheaper option right? Except I didn't realise my flight experience would be akin to spending a longhaul bus trip en route to attending a tow-truck convention with all the loyal members squashed around me on the back seat.

It was positively horrible. The big thing is that the normal old airfare has become so outrageously expensive in comparison that the price one would have to pay not to forego a 35ooo feet up 'reach for a dream' encounter is not feasibly. In effect the airlines have created first and second class distinctions inter-plane rather than intra-plane. And my poor middle class ass is stuck in limbo sharing cabin space with those that socialism was created for...and then have ugly daughters...

ABB Monday Girl...

A message to the reader...

Dear Sir or Hot Ma'am,

It has come to my attention that you have experienced a degree of neglect of late in regards to postings by a certain Mr Gavin Henson. I would like to account for this occurrence and offer my most fervent of apologies.

I have recently become very close with the aforementioned GH#12 through a commercial transaction and I have got to know him very well through our close interaction. I can understand how forlorn you must be at not experiencing what I have of late and accept that you may even harbour a jealous inclination toward me but I urge you to shelve such feelings of ill will.

Not enjoying the man's fast wit, humble demeanour and incredibly good looks can be very taxing on an individual; and as such much of the world beyond cape town is in a demur disposition at present since they cannot share the radiance of the man that you do.

Mostly he neglects those lucky enough to be around him due to commitments in sensational areas of life and I can say without fear of contradiction that in this instant it is no different. Mr Henson has taken a short sabbatical from writing to learn how to use his newly acquired Personal Video Recorder.

Don't stress though, you are in his thoughts as he toils with the 100 page information guide and the easy to use universal remote control and again lucky for you he is a fast learner and will be done soon. Further in your own interests is that once he has master it he will not have to spend time away from you in fear of missing anything multichoice has to offer as he can just record it to his 80 hour video hard drive. Lucky you!!!

His PVR is even so advanced it learnt how to crack into Mr Henson's blogger account and how to type. Unfortunately it could only post pictures like those you have witnessed.

Kind regards,

P