Could you get away with these:
Some of the finest double entendres on British TV & Radio
Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a maleastronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunnesonlining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny,other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "StephenHendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on WorldSuperbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel onThis Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bedlast night."'
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashirematch, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There'snothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "Whatdoes it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breathaway..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eightinches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them"
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava fromBulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
