Opportunity costs...

As the costs of running a highly successful rockstar blog increase and the chances of finding a suitable sponsor dwindle at a quicker rate than that of contracting HIV after a good shower we at Rockstar are in urgent need of refuelling our waning trust funds.

Thats partly the reason Rockstar himself was sent to work as a back-up bouncer at London's trendy KFC in Lamberth and I have been emailing my Z-card to agencies with more ferocity than the Western Province Rugby Football Union sends out Stormers tickets. Unfortunately, just like Stormers ticket, my Z-card hasn't been received with much enthusiasm. Actually I might as well have sent Macdonald meal vouchers the response has been so pitiful.

I have managed to spot two jobs to claim some holiday income so far this Easter Break though and good god were they different. The first was a 3-hour stint in front of a camera and the other a 9-hour stint behind a bar. The thing is, despite the huge time discrepancy between the jobs I earned the same amount for both!

Job 1: Dress up in this winter's latest styles with eight of your mates and play rugby in front of the camera whilst a glossy magazine photographer takes action photos. Not exactly the most strenuous thing I have ever done, plus the added perks of free hair and makeup, free woolworths food, free drinks, tax free cash and the opportunity to hang with your schmodel mates at Caprice afterward... [July FHM]

Job 2: Set up, prep, work behind and then break-down a bar at the Picasso and Africa event that attracted 1200 art people from in and around Cape Town. I haven't got a problem about working long hours or even working hard - but setting up a bar in the blazing African sun for 4 hours and then having to put up with pretentious art critics with killer fake french accents just doesn't pull my cork. I didn't even get to see the priceless Picasso, but watching the vice-president's cavalcade fuck up it's entrance was just as priceless.

Highlite 1: A 50-plus year-old lady dressed up as if she should be behind a glass screen in an Amsterdam alley shrilly asks (french accent included): "Is that South African champagne? If so I don't want any!" Now, I don't want to seem like a know-it-all bartender (though I am)but for fuck sakes Lady Marmalade, if it is made in SA it isn't champagne. I'm sure a self-professed connoisseur such as yourself should recognise the reduncy of the question!

Highlite 2: 6 blacks sport-teched beemer herald the arrival of our beloved vice-president. They pull into a cul-de-sac of a court yard filled with 1200 distinguished guests and 20 bartenders (one distinguished) to drop her ladyship as close to the door as possible. [see brilliant picasso-esque diagram] Thing is bud, if she is in the 5th beemer and there is only space for one in the tiny little lane leading to the entrance then you can't drive the first four in before her!!! In short, after pulling in (looking all serious and official toting earpiece and sporting suits) her bodyguards then took 35minutes to realise they had to reverse and allow her car in first. Absolutely amazing. Being a bodyguard for the cabinet in SA is but one small step above being a claremont bouncer.


Moral of the story: Don't look for a profession in bartending, art-critiquing, bodyguarding (for 3rd world VIPs), rather just go in for painting or modelling.