There is a fundamental difference between your average guy and your not so average rockstar guy. The physical manifestation of this difference is the ‘card’ either carries. You see they both carry their ‘man cards’, whereas only rockstar’s carry the additional ‘rockstar card’. Okay, that’s not entirely correct you see they aren’t actually physical cards that you carry in your wallet but rather an apt vehicle to transport my metaphor. (if there was a physical manifestation of a ‘rockstar card’ it would probably be the glint in his eye as he walks past you with the woman of your dreams on his arm…)
Back to the difference between the two: The key difference is every guy upon birth gets his ‘man card’ and as previously mentioned rockstars have to earn theirs. The result of this difference is that guys spend their entire lives trying to keep their ‘man cards’ and trying to ascertain their ‘rockstar cards’. Now ‘rockstar cards’ aren’t just issued willy-nilly and are very difficult to get. If you’re expecting a dissertation on how to get one you immediately are disqualified from the race to get one. However what this piece will give you is the way is which you can lose your ‘man card’!
You see ‘man cards’ work on a similar basis to driver’s licenses in the UK. Your card comes with a 10 point margin and points get deducted from this total. If within a 2 year periods your margin gets reduced to zero, you lose your card. Unfortunately the problem is you can’t get points credited to your total. It’s a negative system. You do something unbecoming of a gentleman and wham…points gone and you’re on your way to using the longer bathroom queue at social gatherings.
Here are some ways to lose points and the amount you will lose:
- 2 pts: Not knowing who wears the captain’s armband of your national rugby/cricket/soccer team and who the tradition rivals are.
- 1 pt: keeping right and passing left.
- 3 pts: drinking cider when beer is available.
- 1 pt: Allowing your mom/girlfriend/female digsmate to dictate the shirt you wear, the shoes you buy and the way you style your hair.
- 3 pts: wearing the pink shirt and white shoes she chose.
- 4 pts: wearing the pink shirt and white shoes you chose.
- 2 pts: having an audible ringtone on your cellphone that you downloaded from gangsterblingblingrapbeats.com.
- 2 pts: not having the balls to chat to the cute blue eyed angel that eye-fucks the hell out of you in every lecture, tutorial and coffee queue.
- 4 pts: chatting to the angel and talking about your pink shirt and white shoes.
- 2 pts: playing internal league rugby and thinking your opinion on player’s selection outweighs that of Jake White’s.
- 2 pts: hitting on a girl of lesser aesthetic means because she is less of a challenge than her prettier friends. (additional 2 pts if you take her home)
- 2 pts: hitting on every girl in the club scheming that the law of averages will work in your favour.
- 3 pts: smsing another guy’s girlfriend. (get your own ugly)
- 3 pts: asking another guy’s girlfriend to go to a Super 12 game with you. (cause its 2006 and 12 changed to 14 stupid)
- 9 pts: smsing another guy’s girlfriend to go to a Super 12 game. (cause stupidity and being ugly add up exponentially)
- 4 pts: staying with a girl after she has cheated on you (additional 10 whippings with a sharp cane)
- 1 pt: wearing a cap backward and sideways.
- 1 pt: going to an NSync concert.
- 3 pts: wearing a cap backward and sideways, going to an NSync concert and lip-synching the words. 
- 1 pt: going to gym in a spandex nike breathable black vest and white puma tracksuit pants with: an ipod strapped to your bicep, an adidas armband below your elbow, a USN waterbottle under your arm and a loudly ringing cellphone complete with 50 cent ringtone attached to your puma tracksuit pants.
- 9 pts: attending gym in aforementioned outfit and loitering around the watercooler ambushing any unsuspecting thirsty girl and asking her to guess your body fat percentage.
The rules don’t exactly require you to go out of your way but merely request a modicum of social behaviour. If you can’t keep to these and have your card revoked, it’s probably cause you deserved it…
Harsh, but fair.
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