The last monday girl...

Of 2008...

Where you at?

Apparently trends are cyclical so if you're one of those trend chasing people you will forever be chasing as opposed to waiting your turn and letting it slap you in the face. Of course your 18 months of basking in the glory of skinny jeans before they become very much last season cannot nullify a life time of blue balls and goth jokes but know knows...

Very gay.

Back in the good old days when you could hit on a mate's sister cause she was still in junior school there was only one place to go for New Years. It seems that day has returned and with it the advent of lowcost airlines and drivers licenses.

Root canal.

St Francis Bay was the heat when we still drank hunters and played water rugby. We are older now and thankfully haven't grown up and although the same quiet east coast fishing town is the coveted New Years spot of yester year, it has also changed...into San Fran.

Don't be disturbed, people don't mean THAT san fran.

Enjoy the good cheer.

All in a years work...

2008 has been a pretty special sporting year for South Africa. Wrought with your usual up and down that goes with anything South African, 2008 has remarkably yielded the Springboks stealing a test match win from the All Blacks in Dunedin, and now the Proteas staging a fight back to win a test down in Perth.




Sure the win against the AB's was fortuitous to say the least and playing in Perth is like playing in Durban but these and other such reasons can't be cited to dilute the feat. Maybe the fact that Graeme Smith is a fat fuckin apple sourz drinking excuses for a professional sportsman allows us to despise the doos but unlike Puke Watson he is actually good at what he does, so we slow clap him anyway.

"Shopsteward, I'll get 6 apple sourz bombs and a double dreamy burger extra cheese, and whatever the girl is having..."

When was the last time SA won a rugby test match in NZ and a cricket test match in Australia? Well the answer is never. The Boks have only won in NZ 5 times before this year. Twice in 1937, once in 1956 and then again in 1981 and 1998. I got this from wikipedia so take in with a pinch of e-salt. In the 1936/7 cricket season the Proteas played Aussie in South Africa and lost all three test by an innings and runs, they didn't play in 1956, a little thing called isolation prevented games in the 80s (Australia killed Abos for sport so we siolated them) and the 97/98 season saw three tests downunder of which 2 were drawn and SA lost the other by an innings and 21 runs.


We think the victory this year deserves such respect they should fly Herchell out for the fines meeting!

Monday girl...





The ancient world...

Wash my balls...


Spotted this at Cape Town international airport. I think the driver is going for the lose your ticket, try not pay for a month of covered parking but I am not too sure how he thinks he will sneak his dust car past security, it is obviously fairly popular with the locals.





Your wife probably is this dirty mate, just with another bloke...

What global recession..?

As the world battles impossibly with the insufferable affects of a global economic crisis certain overseas are still managing to find assets to invest in with can yield massive results. The man signing the cheques at Perpignan has done pretty blady well for himself.

DanCarter had his Heineken Cup debut for the battling french side this weekend. Just an average 16 point haul in his sides 26 - 20 victory over Leicester. Carter is pulling 35000 pound sterling a game, so that is about 2k a point.

Chippy chippy...eh..?

The fourth round victory of Perpignan is interesting on a few levels. Firsly the major reason DC chose this club was because they played in the HC. However, after 3 rounds the French side wasn't doing particularly well in Pool 3 sitting in 3rd position behind the Ospreys and Leicester with only the top 2 sides advancing. In addition to this, just a week ago the sides met with the Tigers winning 38-27. That is a 17 point turn around, although both sides won at home.

All in all the south of France must be fairly happy with their investment.

Arrgh you funny?

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender says, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'



Pirate says, 'I was in another fight. When I boarded the other ship my hand was cut off in a sword fight.
I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.' Bartender says, 'What about that eye patch?' Pirate says, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over.. I looked up and one of them shit right in my eye.'
'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from bird shit.'?
Pirate says, 'It was my first day with the hook.'

Why are we running..?

The Two Oceans run looms dauntingly around the Xmas-New Year and there is no doubt if you are up for the challenge 2009 you will be plotting out your training schedule. As scenic as the run is you might be training for the wrong event, although since it happened last month you might want to start training now for next month...

Check out what happens at UCLA.

We're streaking...!

Two guys holding hands. Normal!

Not too sure how she got in with the lead group but she is there.

What you running from luv..?

Monday Girl...


They airbrushed the sky!

I would bank on it...


Nice touch really. Deposit at will..

Merry Merry Xmas...


This season we hope your stocking is full...

Monday Newness...


Tuna has hailed this girl as the New Megan Fox. Those are some big boobs to fill and Tuna is somewhat of an oracle in such matters so we´ll believe him.

Robbie Robbie Robbie...oi, oi, oi...

The Barbarians Australia encounter turned out a drab spectator affair but from a rugby point of view it was a hugely impressive performance, notably by the Aussies. Robbie Deans selected a very test match immature side but they showed exceptional discipline and tactical astuteness to force an heroic victory.


Their defence was a sight to behold and a seemingly unique one that was seemingly designed specifically to tailor Frans Steyn inability to play flyhalf. The poor kid who pass-kick-run stats ascend faster than inflation in Zimbabwe was smothered time and time again as his natural predisposition is to either drift horribly sideways or to pick a tackler and run straight into him. He ruined the very exciting possibility of the Baabaas outside backs and made Jean De Villiers look like he should never have even been considered for SA player of the year, although De Villiers attempts to tackle, especially on Ryan Cross, seemingly did that in itself.

Massive respect has to be given to Robbie Deans. What he has achieved with a side that boasts skinny tight five options in impressive.

Poor SA...


South Africa has some pretty cool things, but blue flag beaches, pretty girls, vast wildlife filled areas and the Blue Bulls do not under any circumstances make up for an inability to screen the Victoria Secret Fashion Show.


We have it on good authority from our Florida based fashion consultant that it was an epic event and that Adriana Lima is making a mockery of every other model. If I wasn´t using the wifi of my local church I would be killing youtube...

What´s up homes..?


There was a guuuunnnn-fight...

Black and White Tonight at the Cafe...

Big things on television tonight. 21h30 on the wide screen without the glare to be exact. The Australians take on Jake White´s 2008 Barbarians and it is set to be an incredible match.


So we thought we would throw a very reserved rockstar get together to enjoy the event. Pull around to the Groove bar tonight at the Cafe and watch the game with us. Docstar will be the public executive liaison and NicRosslee will be on the Jack Black draught tap throwing out a vibe and a tshirt.

Teams:

Jake´s Barbarians: 15 Percy Montgomery, 14 Joe Rokocoko, 13 Rico Gear, 12 Jean de Villiers, 11 Bryan Habana, 10 Francois Steyn, 9 Fourie du Preez, 8 Schalk Burger, 7 Richie McCaw, 6 Jerry Collins, 5 Johann Muller, 4 Bakkies Botha, 3 Census Johnson, 2 John Smit (captain), 1 Federico Pucciariello.
Replacements: 16 Mark Regan, 17 Rodney Blake, 18 Chris Jack, 19 Nick Koster, 20 George Gregan, 21 Ollie Smith, 22 Shane Williams.

Australia: 15 James O’Connor, 14 Lote Tuqiri, 13 Ryan Cross, 12 Adam Ashley-Cooper, 11. Digby Ioane, 10 Quade Cooper, 9 Brett Sheehan, 8 Richard Brown, 7 George Smith, 6 Dean Mumm, 5 Hugh McMeniman, 4 Mark Chisholm, 3 Matt Dunning, 2 Tatafu Polota-Nau, 1 Sekope Kepu
Replacements: 16 Adam Freier, 17 Ben Alexander, 18 Peter Kimlin, 19 David Pocock, 20 Luke Burgess, 21 Lachie Turner, 22 Drew Mitchell

Rockstar´s Modern Era Allstar Team: 15 Christian Cullen 14 Jonah Lomu 13 Brian O´Driscoll 12 Tana Umaga (C) 11 Rubeni Caucaunibuca 10 DanielCarter 9 George Gregan 8 Ron Cribb 7 Richie McCaw 6 Schalk Burger 5 Victor Matfield 4 Paul O´Connel 3 Carl Hayman 2 John Smit (VC) 1 Os Du Randt
Replacements: 16 Kevin Mealamu 17 CJ Van der Linde 18 Troy Flavell 19 Nic Koster 20 Justin Marshall 21 TomBrady 22 Roy Ferguson.

Compile your own starting lineup and send it to us. Jack Black on the house to the best.

Beware the UnderToad...

All around the World...

The IRB World Sevens Series exploded into Dubai last weekend and did not by any measure fall short of the entertaining extravaganza that the 7s game has proved to be over the past few years. South Africa recorded an impressive series win, giving them huge momentum going forward to the home leg in George this weekend. 

Dubai was special especially from a Western Cape point of view as the winners fielded 3 UCT RFC players in the side that played the Final; Mpho Mboyizo, Paul Delport and newcomer Kyle Brown. However, also in the USA Eagles side was Matt Hawkins an ex-Ikey player. George (Yes the same George that is owned by semi-professional outfit the UCT Colts) will be equally special as a further ex-Ikey will be on show as Matt Turner - who recently moved to Bristol - will be playing for England. Thats 5, thats taking the piss already....

Top right: Beer in hand, Tiger on the field, Ikey in the changeroom...

If that wasn't enough, behind the scenes at the Dubai tournament was more UCT graduates collecting silverware like it were free Mojitos on the Camps Bay strip. Read this news article:

Dubai: 'As good as it gets' was the verdict as the Dubai Dragons swept aside their rivals Dubai Exiles in the Gulf Men's final. The Dragons led 19-5 at the turnaround and then surged 41-12 ahead to reclaim local bragging rights in style after a lean couple of seasons.

Captain James Welling said: "This is my fourth year in Dubai and being with the Dragons, and the first time I've won this trophy. It's been a long time coming.

"We've worked very hard for this and it's very pleasing. It doesn't get much better."

Chairman Tim Wood echoed that sentiment. "The Dragons are back! We're absolutely delighted. We were written off earlier this season so to come back in this style, against the Exiles with all the history between us and in the first Gulf final at this wonderful new venue is just fantastic."

Asa Firth, David Malcolm (2), Ed Lapine Williams, Dylan van der Baylett, Henry Connell and Jayden Wallace claimed the all-important tries for the Dragons with Wayne McDonald touching down in each half for the Exiles.

The hottest things in the desert...

The backbone and try scoring machine of the Dubai Dragons is none other than the Green Mile patron Eddie 'Bullet' Lepine of the Kulula Dragons rugby Dynasty. Eddie now fully blown Dubai ex-pat spends his time between early morning gym sessions and late evening rugby practices as a part-time business tycoon, which is really just ancillary to his sporting rockstardom and killing the desert with part-time ladies man, full-time face of everything male model just Robbie. 

Dear Santa,

That Guy Point 15:


Because today is a legs day...

It has begun...

Patron: Hayi China, can I get four jagie-explosions and a vodka bill.
Rockstar Shop Steward: No problem, sir would you prefer a single or a double vodka with your redbull.

Patron: I thought you were sold out of singles...make it a double.


Wow. It would seem Cape Town's glorious summer is beginning to be overtaken by the big spending, chain wearing men from Jozi. Bring them...

Monday Girl...

I am not on FB so can't send out cool pictures, but please let us know which of the girls do we know you recognise here?

The Interweb...

The interweb dazzles we. We find shit online that blows the mind of our flashdisk. We have a photo library of every angle of megan fox you can imagine. It is lovely.

Whilst basking in our double exam pass glory today on the interweb we chanced upon this AMAZING piece of information. Please go to wikipedia.org. We won't bullshit you around possibly not knowing of its existence and how we know everything on it; as the interweb abounds with short cyber personalities that shell up in 6 star graceful hotels and sport forehead abrasions that already pursue such tired humor. Instead we say go to wiki, then type in Kloof. It is a quaint suburb outside Durban.


Have a scroll down. Enjoy Gay Activism. You may know him.

Sexual Offence Registry...

The Sexual Offence Act of godknowswhen cites in s 15 that it is illegal to have sex with an idiot or an imbecile. Tricky for some I guess, especially if you're an idiot yourself and a big fan of onanism. However, I am pretty sure duress is a complete defence to statutory liability.

This has very little to do with the intro above, except maybe the part about sex, duress and statu(t)es...

How you doing?

You smell great!

You feel really great...

Statutory rape?

Hot or cold...

According to the Denny Crane school of rating women the only two planes upon which we decide whether a female is - for the lack of a less colloquial phrase - hot or not are whether she IS de facto female and whether she has a pulse.

DC may seem somewhat broader in defining horizontal illegibility than our purposes require so he is not going to help us with the conundrum that is Katie Perry.  

Kissing another hot girl obviously increases the attractiveness of a girl, but we are not so sure that is enough. Cameoing in her bf''s gym class music video she isn't half bad, but in her own 'hot and cold' video she is super sexy. We think we should poll it: Katie Perry - hot or not?

Taking it to a new level...

This post is not about the All Blacks being the number 1 side of the world or about them claiming the IRB Team of the Year Award. That would be unnecessary for me to flog that bitter horse after France 2007. I promise I won´t mention any of this.

Instead I want to mention how amazing Shane Williams is. Not only did he take time out to feature in 3 Peter Jackson movies but he also is a professional rugby player. And a good one at that.

I am number 3, I AM number 3..!

Shane has added to his impressive dual professionalism this week by winning the 'IRB player of the Year Award'. Well that is the quote unquote 'official' name of the award but really... it isnt that at all. You see the recipients over the last 10 years look like this. Give or take a few strong argument either way, this Awards real name is the 'IRB Player of the World that is not danielcarterorritchiemacaw'.

You see the perennial new zealand nominees have only won it [once] a piece, yet in the modern game they have dominated it in every which way. One can only assume that the IRB look beyond them every year in a fairness type of way as it would be unfair to just have them share it each year. The two are definitely measured on a different scale to other players. You  see Macaw at half mast is still the best forward in the world by a country mile, and Carter on a bad day is the second flyhalf in the world.

2001: Keith Wood

2002: Fabien Galthie - 

2003: Johnny Wilkinson - RM nominated.

2004: Schalk Burger - 

2005: Daniel Carter - RM nominated.

2006: Richie Macaw - DC nominated.

2007: Bryan Habana - RM nominated.

2008: Shane Williams - DC nominated.

I remind you of Macaw's 80 minutes in cape town this year where he destroyed the Springboks, fresh from their first away win in NZ for 10 years, at every ruck and set up the 19-0 All Black shut out of the quote unquote world champions. I also remind you that that was his first minute of rugby after a 6 week injury break; ankle injury, so I am not sure how much running cardio you can do in 6 weeks on an ankle injury. 

I suppose since Shane Williams works for Peter Jackson and Peter Jackson works for the NZRFU it is a pyric victory, but we might be speculating...

My Mo-vember is not killing...


Peter De Villiers: Killing it...

Strike...


The guy taking this photo from an oil rig apparently was waiting to catch the lightning and had no clue about the tornado until afterward. Sick.

Plucky...

The moment of the weekend for anyone with DSTV must have been the 2 minutes of intensity post-haka as the Welsh rugby side decided not to employ the default position in world rugby post-haka of returning to their seats, but instead faced up and didn´t back away from the Piri Weepu led kapa o panga.

Kaplan: Sea Point High School vice prefect 1990.

The Welse deserve as much praise for their ambitious attempt to show ownership of their ground as their first half performance, and one can only wonder if Warren Gatland had a part to play in telling Ryan Jones´s men what would happen if they stood up to the All Blacks challenge.

The incident is what sporting rivalry is made of and was epic to watch. Also it was great watching stupid little Johnathan Kaplan run around like a nervous twat getting the players to back down. Great stuff...

Economic Models explained with Cows

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you milk from a dairy 160 miles away

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you milk if you are a party member.

If you are not, the state has your windows broken.

EU - CRATISM

You have 2 cows.

You must weigh both and fill in twenty forms.

The state then collects the milk and throws it away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire consultants to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a

debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get

all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder

who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option

on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,

leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

THE FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot and block the roads, because you want

three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon

image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows,

but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows.

None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,

eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Unemployment in Britain is high but no-one will milk cows.

You would like to get them milked but must wait for the

risk assessment report to be translated into Polish.

Your nearest supermarket sells milk from Belgium.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the s**t out of you

and invade your country.

You now have no cows, but you do have Democracy....

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

You had two cows.

Both have disappeared through the broken gate

during the debate as to which should be milked first…

The white cow or the black cow.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You go to the beach to celebrate with a few beers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have no cows but you do have two sheep.

The one on the left looks very attractive

Today...is Monday...


Girl.

The reason...


Got sent this as the reason behind England's woeful scrumming performance last week against Australia. Interesting times as we face a packed weekend of internationals today...

Here are the predictions from rugby365.com:

South Africa over England - but not more than 10 points.
Ireland over Argentina - by 6 points.
New Zealand over Wales - 15 points.
France over Australia - 15 points.

Some controversial predictions there, but none as bad as say Bob Skinstad at the end of a sports program that is worse than the english scrumming...

Something sweet...


Thanks Nic...

Woolworths has Christmas decorations...


I hope this is your first xmas card!

Enjoy...

Monday girl...



Yes.

Late but here...

I apologise for the late upload but our overseas man of mystery has made up for missing his NFL update responsibilities and made it to the SA v Wales game. This picture from his iphone...



Apparently if you did work in the crumbling financial markets you would be on a higher salary and able to sit closer to the pitch. Out of interest the entrance for the south stand at the Millennium stadium, is it closer to walk to Canary Wharf Station or Cardiff road..? Jokes, bro I am sure the closer seats were sold out...

Monday Girl...


Apparently no clothes are mandatory...