No, no you silly little blonde second year girl sitting in Cape Town I am not referring to the opening of the club in Claremont but rather to what is surely the greatest event on the Durban social calendar, the Vodacom Durban July or as it is more affectionately known by those that love it the most... The VDJ or Jooly.
I have been charged with the great honour of being the Rockstar Journals official VDJ correspondent. This years main race was won by Eyeofthetiger, who for the record is the horse I would've put my money on if I hadn't had that bad experience last year when my R100 broke its leg and was unceremoniously shot on the track. In actual fact I didn't even see a horse all day other than on the big screen.
The event was a more elegant affair this year as we weren't dropped off by a sheep bakkie and I resisted the temptation to compete in the 13th race after victory (and a R500 Tiger Tiger bar tab) was snatched from under my nose a year ago.
In many ways though the Jooly stuck to its winning formula with the combination of fashion, gambling, and partying. After the obligatory milling around and finding my feet I headed off to buy my tickets for the afterparty at the tilt tent. Despite a queue that would rival that of a rockstar kissing booth, it turned out to be worth it. Next we headed up to a box and stocked up on some food and a few beers before a quick little stop in at the steward's lounge where I was a good 40 years below the average age. Then it was back to Tilt to meet up with the boys and see out the rest of the night. Despite the fact that most people I spoke to seem to have gone down in the betting stakes, a good time was had by all. I do however have a few good and bad ideas for the punters.
It is a good idea for girls to get all dressed up and the day definitely plays host to some of the most beautiful women the country has to offer. It is a bad idea to attempt to dress up like a beautiful woman and make a complete tit out of yourself because you are in fact a 6ft5 orange haired quasimodo.
It is a good idea for you and your partner to both look stylish. It is a bad idea for you and your partner to wear the same thing particularly when it is a disgusting outfit on its own.
It is a good idea to decide on a good afterparty venue such as the Tilt tent and later in the evening order a double Bacardi and Coke. It is a bad idea for a Tilt tent barman to run out of most drinks and attempt to dupe you into drinking a double water and Coke and accepting a R10 tip only to be discovered as a fraud when you lean over the bar and drink from the bottle while his back is turned. It is also a bad idea to have a wobbly section of the bar that falls over half way through the night.
It is a good idea to file through the entrance in an orderly fashion. It is a bad idea to lose your temper and punch the organiser and as a result be escourted to a secret room by bakkies botha and os du randt's twin brothers.
It is a good idea to be civil and possibly even friendly to your ex-girlfriend. It is a bad idea to go home with her sister (even if you end up sleeping on the couch) and then leave your cellphone out in the open where the aforementioned ex can find it in the morning and read smses from other girls, causing her to fly into a jealous rage, shake you awake and literally kick you out of the house.
As I said, a good time was had by all. Ascot will be a poor substitute next year.
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