RSLJ: Article 6 The Battle

Every rockstar is constantly faced by a variety of trials and tribulations in every day life and beyond. Now of all these little tests or life battles, some are common to all rockstars whereas some are unique to only certain of them. These unique ones depend on the type of star the rock is and the type of life he would lead.

-----------------------------------------Battles: Strategic

To add a personal edge to the article I’ll share some of my personal life battles. The everyday mundane ones include which beater to sport under my t-shirt, whether or not to upsize my ‘vide’ americano to a grande and whether to smash a chicken burger before or after 5th period. The more significant ones go along the lines of which course to study or whether to do an ‘all-nighter’ or to hit the sack immediately and try wake up at 4am. Of course there are more important emotional ones but neither do I want to write about them nor do you want to read about them. [if the urge to read about such emotional battles persists try cosmo.com or a heavy dose of vodka and sleeping pills]

Despite the different types of lives men have and the difference in their degree of rockstarism all men share one type of battle. One horrible facet that plays an important role as any in the world war that is our life is that of ‘Pulling Chicks’.

Now ‘pulling chicks’ is not the cockdiesel quote a rockstar throws out as the goal of an evening out, we leave that to the collar-up backwardsideways trucker-sporting idiots. ‘Pulling chicks’ is the generic term for coaxing the most beautiful women (according to our means) to linger within enough propinquity so as to fall prey to our magnetic charm and rico gearish finishing ability. No matter what degree of rockstarism will hang from the eulogy on your tombstone, every guy will ‘battle’ in this department.

You see that ability of your ‘pull’ is of no consequence when it comes to sweeping a showstopper off her feet. Showstoppers are not the metaphorical marlins you hear about during drunken Greenman conversations that jump into your boat and catch you unawares. Showstoppers require a hard arduous determined battle that I dare to define as a war of attrition. You really have to work, you really have to battle.

However there is a part of my coherent argument that is a wee bit fallacious. You see the part about where all men share this battle? Well if it is the rule, then there is an anomaly. Now I haven’t met the rockstar but he certainly doesn’t share this ‘battle’ with the rest of us. In fact the only battle he probably has to fight is where best to spend his wealth of good looks, fame, fortune and omnipotent given talent.


Dan Carter certainly doesn’t battle with pulling chicks. The dude is 23. He is the first choice flyhalf for the best rugby team in the world, which means he is the best flyhalf in the world. And if you doubt that then ask the IRB. Now I was pretty sure by watching the kid carve any type of defence thrown at him, kick a pigskin through uprights from any angle, run circles around every nationality of mere mortal defence and that assisted with his good looks he was always going to whip chicks. However he now just got the accolade of the best rugby player in the world for 2005.

You know that sick feeling you have in your stomach on how disgusting it is that he got all that in one go well its about to grow like a cancerous tumour. When asked about his award he replied, “it’s been a pretty big year and I feel pretty humble to receive an award like this…”

So the oke is like a 9, he has more sporting gifts than an aspiring jock on his 7th birthday, he has girls drooling over him like he was the latest addition to the Guess accessory range and worst of all he is so supremely confident in himself he can be disgustingly humble.


So that adds to our shared battle, cause now we have to battle him and he is like the wall of Jericho. Never fear though if we join forces he is little we can take him…