A tribute...



Great beaters great ads...

Justice..?

You can´t make up this shit. I have been wanting to pass comment about P Divvy lately but like any terminal illness it is inappropriate to talk about it in front of the dying person, and I know the springbok reads rockstar.


However, I famous P Divvy, has had is inebriated tongue curtailed by the most unexpected source. Sports Minister Makhenkesi Stofile has told P Divvy to sober up. Sober up? Fantastic.

Stofile told the Daily News that he liked De Villiers very much and knew him as a good player from his days in Boland, but suggested the more the Springbok coach talked, the more he got confused.

"The role of the coach is to prepare the team," said Stofile. "The role of the spokesperson is to represent the union."

Drink what in front of you?

The slow death..

Fantastic British Humour...

*BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) *
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.

*BBC NORFOLK*
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with *What A Wonderful World*?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand
and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song *What
A Wonderful World*?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

*LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)*
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question.
In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

*THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
*Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all
written books about their experiences in what - Prison or the Conservative
Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

*BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) *
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

*UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE*
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

*GWR FM (Bristol) *
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

*RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) *
Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about
pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.

*PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) *
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

*RICHARD AND JUDY
*Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

*RICHARD AND JUDY*
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er .....
Leslie: He makes bread.
Contestant: Er .....
Leslie: He makes cakes.
Contestant: Kipling Street?

*LINCS FM PHONE-IN
*Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

*NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)*
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

*ROCK FM (PRESTON) *
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a
famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

*THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) *
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

*JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) *
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .... er....
er.... three?

*CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)*
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.
Caller: Er .... Mexico?

*PAUL WAPPAT(BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) *
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after a long pause): Fourteen days.

*DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVE TIME (VIRGIN RADIO)*
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

*PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) *
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er .....
Wood: It's got two syllables ..... Kor ....
Contestant: Blimey!
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run.
Contestant: ..... (silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I .....?
Contestant: Walked?

*THE VAULT *
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer
can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

*LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) *
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

*STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) *
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character
clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.

I look forward to Supersports Hilights reel of Piddy Divvys rugby comments..

Monday Girl...


Hi five? And begin.

We have a new leader...

This was sent in by a rockstar friend. It is an incredible thing to witness the naming of Afrikaans children. Roll call at koshuis must have been a hoot. This is the Griffons run on side to face the A& G Lions in a Currie Cup warm up this weekend. Look out for numbers 7 and 4.


Teams: Griffons: 15 Tertius Maarman; 14 Darryl Coeries, 13 Eddie Fredericks, 12 Werner Griesel, 11 Fabian Juries; 10 Kennedy Tsimba, 9 Clayton Gawie; 8 Nicky Steyn (captain), 7 Bioplus van der Merwe, 6 Marnus Briedenhann, 5 Isak van der Merwe, 4 Windpomp, 3 Sewes Oosthuizen, 2 Ashley Johnson, 1 Petros Methula.
Replacements: 16 Herschol Johnson, 17 Gert Greyling, 18 Kevin Stevens, 19 Albert Parsons, 20 Henrico Schultz, 21 Tiaan van Wyk, 22 Shane Hancke.

Thanks Roy.

Trench Day 153: Surfing...

My employers are fuckin sneaking. They found we have scant aptitude to work all day so in our entire building there is one photocopy machine, two phonelines in working conditions and absolutely no access to email, the interweb, a printer, a computer...it is a friggan miracle there is even cellphone reception in my building.

Please see 25 Feb below!!!

Fuck it is a miracle the building itself isn't condemded. Needless to say I work for the South African government (and you the citizen at home by extension) and come to think of it when the government bought the building 30 years ago it probably was condemned so they could get it at half-price (although they probably said they paid full price and then kept the other half for personal fun) and de-condemned it so we could work in it.

Anyway I suspect the lack of email-interweb access is so the already wayward lazy employees - myself occasionally included - can't play truant on the interweb all day instead of doing the little work we pretend to do. Well didn't we stick one to them when we slipped past security and out of the building an hour early today. Security consists of special forces trained covert military tacticians armed with battaryless handheld communication consols and expired pepper spray. I managed to sneak past and into the free world cause they were all cosily huddled around a hot plate sleeping. Seriously...a hot plate...not a heater...a fuckin hot plate.

How will Dad contain his pride?

Anyway (again) my free stolen hour of truancy allowed me time on the interweb and this is what I found. www.thechive.com. Fuckin fabulous. Two things. The dudes have acquired a library of shit. They basically surf facebook stealing photos of hot chicks that were dumb enough to post themselves in little clothing to the entire world (except china and SA government employees). Go check this shit out! A taste below. They also have this archive called photobombers. Priceless! Guys who sneak into photos. Some funny shit...if you're bored in the trench with interweb access...

Airtime?

Fucking classic...

Thursday's car...


Car of the day. Hey, it checks your blindspot..!

Blackberry is better...roger that..

This is undisputed photographic evidence that a blackberry is better than the old Iphone. (if you're not packing the 3GS you might as well call that fuckin thing an ipod) You see this photo taken at Wimbledon? It cut Roger's arm off. Impossible to this that a blackberry could do that! Although, also impossible to think the blackberry's battery would have lasted into game 2 for Federer to swap sides to be closer to the east side of Centre court to actually take the photo.

Exhibit 1: "Old" Iphone:

Having caught Nadal's contagious uni-arm-atosis, Roger's one arm grew smaller than the other.

Exhibit 2: Blackberry Photo:

15 love?

The war continues. Thanks Button.

Memoirs from the Trenches: Part I

At the time of graduation I was totally oblivious to how unlucky I was to earn the cap and the robe. Although the time was accompanied with much relief and a fuzzy feeling of achievement I had scant idea of what was to follow. It turns out graduating was the biggest white elephant I have ever pulled into a room - and has history will show I am not that big on pulling white elephants...golden hued angels yes, white elephants not really.

I have now realised - as it has been bashed into me relentlessly for the past 152 days - that with the accomplishment of graduation comes 10 hour working days, no holidays to speak of and the withdrawal of parental financial report like if communist sponsored South Africa granted the Dalai Lama a tourist visa a Confed tickets.

Here´s lookin´ at you oppression.

However, my spiraling into the trenches of the working world have been ameliorated somewhat by some humorous day to day incidents associated with working for the government. I give you Memoirs from the Trenches.

Part 1: Day 152.

The heat is surprisingly stifling in the room given that it is Cape Town in the middle of winter. The matter before me is one of a simple consultation between two feuding parties. Background will explain to you that sometimes I encounter situations where you have to try talk to people to resolve a pending dispute in the far-fetched hope that we can solve the problem before the next step.

Usually the disputes revolve around unfulfilled maintenance obligations, the damage to ones ________ (insert anything from microwave, car windscreen to favourite pot plant collection) or physical family disagreement. This one revolved curiously around the enforcement of a civil contract.

Aggrieved complainant!

Very simply the complainant was seeking action against the accused/defendant for not paying the full amount on the contractually agreed price for services rendered. Interesting conundrum this in these tough economic times but the enforcement of contractual obligations has always been the backbone of a thriving economy. The con part of the conundrum comes in when I add that contracts are not enforceable if they are contra bonis mores or against public policy or if they are illegal.

You try explain to a toothless 43year old divorced mother of 3 that the fact that the said contract defaulter agreed to pay her for sexual services actually means little in the face of the fact that prostitution is considered illegal. Interesting things going on in this trench..

Harsh but fair...

*Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
Asked was:-**

The United States of Africa?

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
Shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And Finally....................... In Australia they hung up because

They can't understand an Indian accent.*

Thirteen...

Some momentous things have happened in recent times. We finally got
rid Puke Watson. Pi Diddy is on the cusp of hanging himself with his
own whistle lanyard and Michael Jackson faked his own death.

Also South Africa managed to succesfully host a world class soccer
competition. The jury is out as to what exactly was the hilight of the
Confed Cup was but we're confident - more so than in our usual annoying way-
that we know what/who it is. Unfortunately its on our pvr and we
can't show it off. It involves Fernando Torres. It wasn't Torres - although he was good - but it was what he that bought our gift to us...

¨I want to see Torres, and the champions of Europe¨

I can only describe her as 13´s hotter little sister. Infact the sound bite is so sexy I am thinking of appling to Supersport to buy the rights to the ad so I can share it on metube. I would post her on youtube but I kinda want her for myself not for everyone else.

Hi 13, can I please speak to your hot little SA sister?

She is South African though - she must be - you see her, you email us.