Cops, robbers, cowboys and indians...

I find the distinction between fiction and reality has become increasingly blurred as with every day that passes I enjoy the latter less than the former. Alas, if only we could live our lives on linear timelines instead of this frog hopping from one time in the future to the present and back. I am not sure if that is a reality or not but whether you grasp my fictional tale or not, is!

I am presently mindful of this untrue reality as sure as one can believe a false fiction, since only yesterday one of our rockstar affiliates was forced into a life threatening situation.

Back in town for the equally life threatening situation of having to write the CFA exam, Thurston found room and bored (intended) in a lovely upmarket palatial palace set in the lush urban greenery of the lower rondebosch projects.

After successfully warding off the mortal certainty of CFA he has little else to do so passes his time by acquiring equally fatal hangovers and attempting to overcome those. No stranger to a death bed it seems fitting that the house he was residing in was under a current spate of lethal criminal activity. But underage non-consentual sex, shebeen-esque bootlegging and tik den fostering aside there was also a neighbourhood housebreaker on the prowl.

Our local perpetrator was a demonic cross between the nightfox and jack the ripper; a station strangler cousin of sorts, and his knife weilding escapades had been confronted twice in 3 days and were presumably linked to numerous schedule 1 offences.

On yesterday's fateful day the shadow of this man passed a bedroom window and the house mates were mobilized into action. Our hero, Thurston, unfortunately was too far down the digsmate hierarchy to lay first claim to weaponary from the digs arsenal and had to watch as the pepper spray and baseball bat were entrusted to digs captain and fearless leader Brad Chase. Since number 2 was in an exam his slightly build female cousin was ordained the protector of the fort and armed with her internal league hockey stick.

This left Thurston drowning in the shallow end of the weaponary box which could only muster a thickish wire coathanger as protection.

The Chase ensued:

Not restricted by fear, concern or brain power digs captain and fearless leader Brad Chase led the counter attack around the front of the house. Thurston and his trusty noisy cricket coathanger would be Shaka's bullhorn that would out flank the assailant from the back of the abode. Young slender female cousin would keep goal.

Digs captain and fearless leader Brad Chase's gusto fuelled malevolent battle cry spooked our not so friendly neighbourhood thief and he accelerated around the corners of the house like Alonso around the streets ofMonaco. Our unarmed Thurston was the finish line.

The old adage to never bring a knife to a gunfight is built on sensibility and foreseeable consequences, hence it can be extended to never bring a coathanger to a knife duel. On realising his error Thurston fled (fight or flight is not inherent as sometimes it is common sense). Thurston fled and Mack the knife pursued.

Mack cornered Thurston between the refuse bins and the locked garage door whilst the negihbours watched in horror from their patio. Defenceless against the 15inches of Hattaori Hanzo steel Thurston gulped in anticipation of digs captain and fearless leader Brad Chase to turn his battle cry into action and come charging around the corner to his rescue.

He was no where to be seen...

Instead the faithful slender built female cousin of digsmate no 2 came brandishing her compisite Gryphon astropole and fought off the blade carrying attacker.

Moral of the story: When you are staring death in the eye and you can do little through self agency to help you look in the little places for help and not in the big ones.

Epilogue: As it turned out digs captain and fearless leader Brad Chase was unable to save our brave Thurston as after he let out his boorish battlecry he let off a two second cloud of pepper spray as a sign he meant business but alas directed it straight into his own running path from which it was too late for him to steer away. Whilst slender hockey girl saved Thurston's life digs captain and fearless leader Brad Chase was left staggering around under the mulberry tree wiping a murky film of reality liquid from his eyes...