Sour taste not grapes...

It is exceedingly tricky to cast an objective opinion over a subject you are emotionally embroiled in. Be this as it may, it is possibly just as tough to be honest with the facts when you are also emotionally connected to something. We spoke at length of the 3nations before it kicked off and after the initial confrontations; however we have been fairly mooted on the topic since. We assure you it has been because of time constraints not because of sour grapes...



Yes the All Blacks precariously prop up mid-table much to my disappointment but so far I think the tournament has been a sterling portrait of test match rugby, the professional era and ELVs.

All four games have been proper physical encounters and we have seen some amazing rugby but as always the competition has been accompanied by a hefty dose of controversy and spice.



Here we are at this stage:
Aussies 2-0.
Abs 1-2.
Boks 1-2.

But you have to be realistic and take into account the home-away stats. The two Aussie wins came from home games, the Abs have played at lost one on the road and shared a win and loss at home, and the Boks haven’t played at home yet.

Stats are just stats though so you have to take into account form. The All Blacks played averagely and beat the Boks who played dull rugby. They then played much better but lost to the Boks narrowly when the latter didn’t play with even a hint of dominance. The Aussies played well against the Boks, who didn’t even arrive. And then the Aussie played very well against the Blacks who played a great middle section but a terrible start and end. Form side? You have to say the Aussies...

But form is temporary; you have to continuously perform to build a reputation. The Aussies winning in Auckland on Saturday will make them the best side in the world 2008, and second to that they will send the Abs into the worst devastation they have felt in 10 years. The Boks are hanging in there, but have 3 home games. Interesting interesting interesting...

Monday Girl...


Because the Doctor is back in town...

Something for the ladies ...

Fellow rockstar, Lewis "the Lone" Wolf has got himself into some pretty tricky situations in life. This one, however, is going to take more explaining than the time he had to punch a guy after his ex-doll put out a cigarrette on his head. It appears that the Wolf not only enjoys long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners but is also one of SA's most eligible bachelors. Enjoy girls - just don't tell his girlfriend ...

It happens...

The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself, as I sometimes do.

The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'9' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top.

I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts looked amazing. After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.

She said ' Hi ', and I said ' Hi' in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.

'So, does that make you feel good ?' she asked. .

'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued.

'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.'

'Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Private School Festivals Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.'

I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.

'How do you feel now,' she purred.

' OK' I replied. Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!'

Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'till full time.

We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and......... '

" Ahhh...." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit peeved, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet !!!!

She snapped, 'Well tell me this, Smart Ass : Have you ever felt such a c*nt?'

'I certainly have' I answered, 'I missed the kick.'

Monday Math Girls...


One plus one equals...?

The Ups and Downs...

Fairly interesting things going on at present I am not too sure where to begin.

Firstly, PDV: You have to be impressed with Springbok coach Pieter De Villiers! Initially he just showed massive insight to stick with Jake White's team before the historic House of Pain sneak win over the weekend and then take the praise for the victory. After the win Big Brother phoned me and bet R1 trillion zim dollars on the Monday headlines praising PDV for the win. He is a clever one that Big Brother and I am out of a loaf of bread. However, even after the epic win that PDV single handedly orchaestrated he showed further humility in admitting today the biggest problem with SA rugby right now. Go look got it, back page of the Cape Times, it's there. No not the struggle to get a hooker to play two consecutive matches, no not the 'utter partiality' of SANZAR disciplinary comittees but rather, "our biggest problem is Adi Jacobs..." First bit of sense the man has spoken. Although admittedly I might be paraphrasing him away from his context, but you would agree he should have stopped there...

Leaving the whole world blind..?

USS Bismarck: Staying on the back of the rugby camel and more specifically the utter bias against the Springboks. SA is up in arms saying the remnants of a Carisbrook win has turned to a sour taste in the mouths of SA supporters after Bismarck Du Plesseis was 'harshly' meted out a 3 week ban for eye gouge an opponent. Interesting situation this. The basis of the 'unbelievable bias' argument is that Brad Thorn was only given a one match ban for picking up and dropping captain John Smit in the 5th minute of the first test in Wellington.

We need to remain mindful of a few points here. The two incidents are separate and although you would rightfully expect consistency between sentences from the SANZAR disciplinary committee you must admit that two wrongs don't make a right. So if Thorn's punishment was too lenient, it won't be fixed by giving the next guilty player the same leniency. This however, assume Thorn's punishment was too lenient. Which of course it wasn't. It wasn't a spear tackle by definition. Fact. Smit landed on his back, not in a vertical position. And you can't try trump up the charge by saying it caused Smit a groin injury and ruled him out of the rest of the competition because he was only subbed in the 37th minute. 32minutes on a torn groin? Not possible. It was probably going backward at scrum time that ruined his groin.

(not) Harsh, but fair...

Now I am not saying Thorn should recieve a medal for showing super human strength in being able to lift SA's plump hooker off the ground. I do agree that it was unsporting behaviour and a one match ban suited the occassion. Moreover, lets not forget that without Thorn the All Blacks were forced to play novice lock Anthony Boric (2nd test) against the most formidable tight five in the world with a second row test cap accumulation of 77 or something. And then when Ali Williams went off the All Blacks lost all competitiveness as they had to replace him with debutant Kevin O'Neill. You can't beat experience. The All Blacks suffered because of that.

Reverting now to Bismarck's sentence. Firstly don't drum it up as 3 weeks as they only play 1 games in 3 weeks so it is the same as Thorns in affect. And then secondly eye gouging is tantamount to murder on a rugby field. It would be pleasing if you remembered that the last test player to get sentenced for it was that Bergamasco Italian gangster that eye poked Welsh fullback Lee Byrne. Bergamasco got 13 weeks. Thirteen? That is the entire super 14.

I am confident, dehydrated and have something white on my nose...

Thirdly: The Golden Triangle - The Pakistanian pace bowler Mohamed Asif has reported failed a drug test during the Indian Premium League (IPL) 20 Twenty competition held from April to June. His lawyers have sent the sample for a second test to confirm the result, citing it as an impossible outcome. Now we are the first pople to recognise the right to innocence until proven guilty but come now Mo, lets be a little honest here. You are currently sitting in a detention cell in Dubai for being caught in possession of Opium at Dubai International Airport. Good luck with that B sample.

And lastly, Deathgate: I am not going to get to deep in this but in a 25 minute car trip I was brutally subjected to listening to a national phone in conversation centering on the recent shooting of a hippo that has being living it up way to close to suburbia up in Durban. Reportedly not content with the 8 to 6 hipponess of having to ruffle ears and blink repeatedly and passing tourists to the St Lucia wetlands, the large pachyderm packed up shop and road tripped it down to Durban for the week. Apparently he was heading to the wave pool at Ushaka Marine World and was going to drop a few guineas at the July on his way.

13th race..?

As it goes with roadtrips to the July things went pear shaped for the sea cow. Alleged he steam rolled a Vermeulen resident and this gave pursuing authorities to cast aside an interdict obtained by an animal activist group not to shoot him and they did. Dead hippo.

My point. People were phoning in like it was a telkom complainants hotline expressing their ardent views pertaining to the horrid murder of a poor innocent beast that was only doing what was natural to it. This morning a proud South African policeman Lukas Nell was gunned down by a suspected criminal (now definitely a criminal) whom he was pursuing in Tamboerskloof. South Africa's radio listeners are up in arms about a hippo, but nothing gets said about murdered policeman. That can't be right..!

Oh and Cape Town was just voted the 3rd city in the world to visit by US travel magazine, Travel & Leisure's 2008 Worlds Best Survey. 1 and 2 were Bangkok and Buenos Aires respectively. Just so you know...

Cute Mondayness...


She is older than she looks...

Monday Girl...


At last! Enjoy our Monday girl. I am not sure how the others squeezed themselves in. I didn't expect it, but when you're a Rockstar...I guess you have to.

Sunday Girl...


Lost for words...

Saturday Girl...


I don't know where they all keep coming from...

Friday Girl...


Sorry the medication isn't working...

I nearly told you so...

Yesterday I wrote about 200words about the first 3Ns game this Saturday between the All Blacks and the Springboks but got bored and went back to looking at this.


You can't really blame me can you? I typed an excellent piece foreshadowing the precipice over which Pieter De Villiers stood yesterday and describing how his selection for the game would determine the start to his career. He was either going to ascend to lofty heights or drop far down to the bottom of the stupidity pit. Within 24hours PDV beat my article and took the jump himself.

What position do you play son? Centre sir! Which one? The middle one...

The impasse was simple. Select: James, Steyn, De Villiers with Monty at the back; or James, De Villiers, Jacobs with Jantjies at the back. The former would almost guarantee him a fairytale 3Ns start whereas the latter would send his rugby career onto a similar trajectory Egon Seconds suffered. Moreover, I am surprised Seconds isn't sporting the 14 jumper in Wellington this weekend as opposed to the Griquas 22 jumper in...err...Wellington.

Came in seconds, gone for ages...

Here are the teams:

South Africa: 15 Conrad Jantjes, 14 Odwa Ndungane, 13 Adrian Jacobs, 12 Jean de Villiers, 11 Bryan Habana, 10 Butch James, 9 Ricky Januarie, 8 Joe van Niekerk, 7 Juan Smith, 6 Schalk Burger, 5 Victor Matfield, 4 Bakkies Botha, 3 CJ van der Linde, 2 John Smit (captain), 1 Gürthro Steenkamp.
Replacements: 16 Bismark du Plessis, 17 Brian Mujati, 18 Andries Bekker, 19 Luke Watson, 20, Bolla Conradie, 21 Francois Steyn, 22 Percy Montgomery.

New Zealand: 15 Mils Muliaina, 14 Sitiveni Sivivatu, 13 Conrad Smith, 12 Ma'a Nonu, 11 Rudi Wulf, 10 Dan Carter, 9 Andy Ellis, 8 Jerome Kaino, 7 Rodney So'oialo (captain), 6 Adam Thomson, 5 Ali Williams, 4 Brad Thorn, 3 Greg Somerville, 2 Andrew Hore, 1 Tony Woodcock.
Replacements: 16 Keven Mealamu, 17 Neemia Tialata, 18 Anthony Boric, 19 Sione Lauaki, 20 Jimmy Cowan, 21 Stephen Donald, 22 Leon MacDonald.

The All Blacks definitely not the intimidating force as in the past but if you don't have your best team you are never going to challenge them. I shouldn't bitch though, I'm actually glad Puke Watson has been ousted.

And if you were too lazy to look for the result online, the Cane Toads took the State of Origin series 2-1 by winning the final game in the series 16-10, with Israel Folau scoring twice. One of which was a beauty.

Thursday Girl...


I am blaming a virus...

One, two, Tri-nations...

We said we would say naught about rugby until now since October last year. Apparently zero was not a true reflection since we have had plenty to say. Hence it would be out of character to not write something about this weekend, as yes you better believe it, the Tri-Nations kicks off.
The 3 month tournament must have some sort of challenge to the title of the toughest rugby competition available. When 3 of the greatest rugby nations go head-to-head week in and out you are bound to see some fantastic rugby and the watermark of the competition has always been the spectacular type of rugby played. This year will be no different. Here is why:


- We are back to the bumper edition where you play each side thrice as opposed to only home and away. The extended version was introduced in 2006 but dropped last year as it was a RWC year.

- The ELVs. Discussion continues to rage over the introduction of the laws meant to shake the game up a bit. To be honest, the ELVs for the 3Ns are slightly different from the ones used in the Super 14, and I am not totally briefed on the changes in detail. The revised laws for the 3Ns mainly pertain to numbers at the lineout and I stand corrected, collapsing the rolling maul. Thankfully they also discarded the offsides line at a tackle, although it made theoretical sense it was tricky to enforce so refs let sides get away with it. Disregarding the nuances of the changes ELVs the point is this is the highest platform they will have been used on so far, ie: the first test match. They livened up the Super 14 considerably and have a bright future if they succeed at test level in getting the slow European attitude of the game to change away from their bore fest.

Naked? Yes. Virgin? To me at least...

- The 3rd crucial reason that 2008 has us standing above the naked loins of what promises to be a worthwhile weekend companion is that it is, and here we depart from the naked virgin analogy, anyones game:

The Springboks are World Champions. They are number one in the world and still basking in the glory of France 07. However, they didn't beat either Australia or New Zealand to get there! Losing now will put a big smile on the faces of these two nations. Everyone likes a moral victory. There is more beyond the Aussies and All Blacks trying to take John Smit´s trophy away from him. The Boks have the new and controversial coach Pieter De Villiers who has limited experience beyond u21 coaching. And by limited I mean zero. He hasn't coached a big province and hasn't coached a Super 14 franchise. He sure as fack hasn't toured the antipodeans. Tough challenge. Plus he has shown in his pre-season write off games against weak opposition a penchant for controversial selection. He would commit career suicide if he continues to pursue his selection whims instead of just picking Jake´s troopers, sitting back and enjoying a sly sluck of Old Brown sherry down under..! Another important point is the Boks have lost Eddie Jones. He was the brains behind Whites school teacher speeches and Dick Muir is his equivalent behind Pieter De Villiers moustache. No real equivalent there.


Australia were disappointing in France 07. They went into France with many warhorses hoping to end their lengthy careers on a high. The balance wasn't right and the youth coming through weren´t ready. The old boys were crocked and the young guns weren't ripe. They have moved on clearing out the shed and only retaining those battle ready. More importantly they have the weapon of mass destruction in Robbie Deans. The Crusaders coach without question is the most successful coach in the world at the level below International, and the level of Super rugby isn't too far off Test match. He is an astute mind of the game with massive vision. If anyone can mold this unestablished Aussie outfit into trophy winners it is him. In one season though? Probably not. They will challenge this year but if they win it you can bet your sheila on Robbie Deans being the reason. He asked to take over the All Blacks from Graham Henry and didn't get the job so jumped the channel to take the Wallabies. We reckon the NZRFU only sent him there on a spying mission and will have him back by 2011 to take the All Blacks but cant prove this at this stage.



The greatest All Black side to go into a World Cup left without making the final 4, the worst exit ever. However, it was only like the 5th game Graham Henry had lost in 4 years, and he kept his job. But he didn't keep the faith of the nations and more importantly his players. The exodus of the poorly paid All Blacks to Europe was greater in volume and speed than Stormers fan from Newlands when the clock hits 74min of play. He has a couple of top players left but not nearly the depth he would like, so they are also building. Plus they are without captain Ritchie McCaw for the first 4 weeks. This may not count against them, but is a huge psychological boost for the other two sides.

For all these reasons the sides stand on a pretty even keel, and the trophy could easily go anywhere. But, there has been one consistent factor throughout the entire history of the 3Ns. Home ground advantage. You lose at home, and you bow out of the title race. Win away and you are basically guaranteed the trophy. This is why these are so important:

2008 TRI-NATIONS FIXTURES:
July 5: New Zealand v South Africa, Wellington
July 12: New Zealand v South Africa, Dunedin
July 19: Australia v South Africa, Perth July
26: Australia v New Zealand, Sydney
August 2: New Zealand v Australia, Auckland
August 16: South Africa v New Zealand, Cape Town
August 23: South Africa v Australia, Durban
August 30: South Africa v Australia, Johannesburg
September 13: Australia v New Zealand, Brisbane

The All Blacks have cited themselves as underdogs and rated the Springboks number 1 to take the trophy, yet the ABs play them twice at home and once away. However, the Boks after playing back to back Test in New Zealand then travel to Perth to face a fresh Aussie side. They will go into that game with injuries and possibly a little down if things in NZ don't go to plan. They might be out the tournament by the time they get home for 3 home games, unless they win all three tests at home and neither of Aussie or the All Blacks manage to win away from home.

Assuming every side wins 3 and loses 3, which is highly likely we move to bonus points, so watch out for those close losses and big wins. The Boks have the best pack and will have the best line out but Butch and Percy´s boots aren´t enough, they will need Habana tries. The Aussies have Giteau but no front row culture, expect Robbie Deans to show his influence on defense though. The All Blacks have been hit, and will struggle to get back on their feet, but then again Dan Carter can carry any side.

F a c k this is going to be exciting...

Wednesday Girl...


Sorry it keeps doing this...

Trees...


It might be a tad tricky to decipher at a glance but I know you will get it...

Origins...

I am not really in Rome and certainly not in Australia but tomorrow evening I am doing what the romans do, even if I am not in Rome and they are actually Australian. Pretty tough to decipher hey? Well as main as Supersport is I have never actually wanted much Rugby League on tv back home in the Republic. So tomorrow we are off to watch Rugby league with some Aussies, but not just any RL, it is the State of Origin decider.




If you have heard of Rugby League you have heard of the State of Origin. We have heard of it but have never seen it. Tomorrow that changes. How it works is this.

The great state of Queensland choose the best rugby league players (regardless of where they play) that originate in Queensland and New South Wales does the same. There you have two barbarian rugby league sides including the best players available that slog it out as either a Queensland Maroons or the NSW Blues. Interesting the two sides are also referred to as the cane toads and cockroaches respectively..! Cane toad? Interesting.

This year so far the Blues won SO1: 18-10, but then lost SO2: 0-30. Making tomorrows game the decider.


Adding to the drama is the presence of the Maroons winger Israel Folau who is 19 years old and at 6f5 and 103kg the man-boy-beast is a hefty prospect. Also the ARU are trying to offer him lucrative contracts to convert to rugby union. Good thing the Boks have Adi Jacobs to defend him...

Three horse race...

This is a world wide notice to everyone considering to travel to Beijing in August with an intention to compete for the 100m Olympic title! You are wasting you time, the podium is like a Bob Mugabe election, predetermined. The race is a mere formality in what order the horses will stand, but we know for sure there will be one american flag and two jamaican flags descending at the medal ceremony.


I need not remind you of our early post on this subject as you are bright intelligible rockstars but I will anyway. A month ago, 3 June, we showed you the phenomenon that is Usain Bolt. However, this past weekend was the qualifiers in America and Jamaica for the Olympics and Bolt´s two rivals showed they weren´t just going to lie down and let him sprint to glory without a challenge.
In Eugene, Oregon over the weekend World Champion Tyson Gay ran a 9, 77s in the quarter final of the trials to break Maurice Greene´s old American record. Bolt brought the world record down to 9,72s last month in New York. In the finals of the US trials Gay ran 9,68s in a 4m/s backwind, but for a time to be legal the wind can´t be faster than 2m/s.


On the same day across the ditch in Jamaica Bolt and ex-World record holder Asafa Powell finished one two in their trials, running 9,85 and 9,97 respectively. Powell held the World Record since June 2005 equally it twice and then breaking it again, taking it to 9,74s. Basically he has owned it since 2005. However, Bolts appearance on the scene and subsequent defeats would weigh heavily on Powell´s mental state. Does the old head have the toughness to run his quickest under pressure.

It has turned into the perfect showdown with Beijing nearly a month away and the race promises to be unprecedented, even though Bolts coach still maintains that they are unsure if he will compete for in 100m. Come on now!

Tuesday again...


Oops...

Leasing v Purchasing...

Financial decisions are never very east to make and the difference between leasing property and buying it is such a decision. Since you can only know about something if you can measure it lets look at it through the numbers, using the 'Paul McCartney-Heather Mills' divorce example:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship (which is highly unlikely) it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

This is what you bought!

On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Kristen, an absolute cracker, charges $4,000 an hour. FOR ANYTHING!

Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Had Sir Paul 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every year for 5 years, saving himself a whopping $41.7 million.

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old smoking hot babe, no begging, no coxing, never a headache, who will go anything and can do anything plus she leaves when you are done and comes back for more when you ask. At 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.

I think you should consider leasing...