The real reason...

If you are anywhere near a newspaper right now you can smell the noxious smell of stomach content as a sportsman famous for his wretch-inducing self-obsessed outcries has out down himself with his latest splurge.


Little boy Puke Watson has created himself a reputation of being the Julius Malema of sports as he makes a concerted effort time and time again to get the attention he so badly craves. This time we he went on about how thee problem with SA rugby is that it is controlled by Dutchmen", and that SA rugby is "rotten to the core". These, although important to some pale in significance when compared to my two favourite snippets.

Watson claims "the men who sit on my left and right of me in the change room despise me for who I am". Watson submits that his dad´s political history is the reason for this hatred.

Added to this the short dude said "Me having to wear the Springbok jersey, to keep myself from vomiting on it, because there is a bigger picture, because men and women have bled for me to get there¨.

The second bit is hardly akin to any form of eloquence so I am not a hundred percent sure where he is going with that except insofar as admitting to anorexia.



Anorexia Nervosa is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes an eating disorder characterized by low body weight and body image distortion with an obsessive fear of gaining weight. Individuals with anorexia are known to commonly control body weight through the means of voluntary starvation, purging, vomiting, excessive exercise, or other weight control measures, such as diet pills or diuretic drugs.

I took the liberty of googling us a workable definition of anorexia nervosa so we can make some sense of the Watson´s claims.

I wish I was a baller, I wish I was taller...

Shame poor little Puke. He attributes the fact that others hate him to the acts of his father rather than be realistic about it as being because he is a little twatty bitch that spends his life trying to jump into the camera lens.

I feel sorry for Puke. If I was that short amongst tall people I would also want to vomit all over myself...Don´t hate Puke, he hates himself enough...

Fake Monday...

It feels like a Tuesday, must be a fake monday...

Cookie Jar...

As if deciding to keep your hands out the cookie jar because it is hard isn´t reason enough for you to behave, this should be a further warning...

Woza 20 10...



We´re behind our team..! Are you?

Gotta get me some of those...



Although South Africa is on the lowest tip of Africa and pretty fuckin´ far from where the rest of the world plays their little games we are fairly in tune with things when it comes to modern developments and new ideas. That is why, SA has been hit so hard with this green nike craze that is stripping footwear minded people across the globe of all sense and sensibility.

Everyone is obsessed with the latest Green Nikes.

And why wouldn´t you be...

lЭто почему в России, мы имеем водочку..!

GH: Hey Cousin Vlad, I see your apartment isn´t like the palatial Russian state house you described it as...
CV: Fuck вы.


GH: It must be freezing in winter, but summer in that shithole slum must be horrendous. Now that you are a millionaire from stealing natural gas from krygystan how will you fight the heat?
CV: Fuck вы вы свинья.


GH: Oh I see.
CV: Fucking жара.



GH: Umm...Vlad.
CV: Fucking польские работники никудышны.


GH: Cool.
CV: Fuck.

Golden opportunity...

What to do with all the gold you recoup from your cheating ex-wife? Since the idea of making a 50kg Kate Moss pretzel statue is taken, you plate your porsche of course...

Monday girls...


Cleaning up...

When in France...


On Tuesday night French super rugby club Stade Francais unveiled their new 3rd strip. They are know for their awesome rugby - 6 and 0 this season - and flamboyant dress sense but they have taken it further with this new strip.

Après le maillot bleu et le maillot "Tie and Dye", le Stade Français a dévoilé son troisième maillot sur les Champs Elysées, à l'Adidas Store. Ce maillot reprend le visage de la Blanche de Castille façon Andy Warhol. Il est disponible dès aujourd'hui sur la boutique en ligne .

I got this from the teams website. Unless you are royferguson or a cape town car guard you might struggle with the translation. I think what they are saying is the jersey takes the face of the Blanche of Castile - two time French ruler in the 13th century - and andywarhols the hell out of it. Lovely.

Oh and it is available for 75 euros online...

Advance Australia Fair...?


Andrew is sending this around for research purposes. I think the majority might see the funny side...

Hey brew...

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing
organizations retire to the bar at the end of the day.

Pity they didn´t buy six packs...

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouts to the barman: 'In Australia, we make the
best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, mate.'

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: 'In the States, we brew the king
of them all - gimme a Bud.'

Argentina: Cold Aquila, very hot...weather..!

Hans steps up next: 'In Germany ve invented beer. Give me un Helles, ze
REAL King of beers..'

Grolsch: all about the top...when its off..!

Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, follows by stating that Grolsch is the
ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of foam on top.

Like millers needs promoting..?

Norman, chairman of SAB, is next: 'Barman, give me a diet Coke with ice
and lemon please.'

The other four stare at him in stunned silence, then Bruce asks: 'Aren't
you going to have a Castle, Norm?'

Norman replies 'Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, then neither am
I.'

Because we´re objective...

I did want to post a picture of the guy I saw today wearing a matching belt and tshirt I am a big drinker combo - belt was metal with WASTED written on it, and tshirt read ´dip me in beer and throw me to the drunk chicks´ - but I regrettably couldn´t take a photo. I actually regret not pointing out to him that you can´t drink yourself pretty more though. Instead I´ll just have to show that we aren´t politically one sided...


You see. We´re have multiple good sides. Okay, I am kidding, I mean we´re politically impartial, or apathetic, whatever...you know. Duh, everyone knows our multiple good sides are actually great...

Back door success and look-a-likes...

WP Rugby Union, who´s senior side is a weekend away from failing to make the semi-finals of the countries premier rugby competition, (premier because it is the only one) have launched an all out offensive to try sneak their woeful team of arrogant 6-down specialists into the semi-finals. And yes, they are trying to sneak them through the back door.

Province had the chance to look in at a semi last week but failed to get a bonus point 4th try. Now they have a shot so mathematical Pythagorus couldn´t work it out so have made an application to SARU to dock the Cheetahs the 5 points they earned on the weekend, for an illegal use of a player.


Hennie Daniller played for the Cheetahs on Friday night and then for the Griffons on saturday when they beat the SWD Eagles in the First Division. The loser Eagles have also complained.

The two unions content that this is an abuse of the loan system in which Currie Cup (Premier Division) teams can make available players to First Division teams.

Strangely, SARU rules actually specifically state the two competitions are totally separate entities and both Unions are within the law with what they did regarding Daniller.

What I love is that the law is so black and white - admittedly possibly in need of change - but still very clear, yet WP STILL try and chance their luck and sneak into the semis through the backdoor. Slimey fuckers...

It reeks of sour grapes. I love a bad loser...


Moving along...


It appears Heath Ledger and Hayden Christensen have taken up rugby. Okay, wait Ledger is dead, so it must be the joker. Either way it is fairly bizarre!

Both were contending for the English number 10 jersey for the November tests. Actually the Joker just dislocated a shoulder and is out for ages, whereas funnily enough Young Ankin is just coming back after a lengthy injury lay off to claim the jersey. Jokes on you pal...

Sex Panther?


Brian Fantana: Sex Panther by Odeon. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent. It's a formidable scent, it stings the nostrils...in a good way.
Brian Fantana: [daubing the cologne on his neck] Yup.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. They say 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make any sense.





After spending time with Dalia Lama in Tibet, he let us in on his secret for getting women. Sex Panther. after promising to make him Rockstar of the moment we managed to bring you back some of the real stuff. Lately it's been rebranded Sex Appeal but it still contains real bits of panther - so you know it's good.


Do yourself a favour and read the packaging. Available from Everest Mart, Kathmandu, Nepal. And, no, they don't deliver.

Rocking it...


Some of us were born goodlooking, Rob was born to model...

Owning it my man...

Political updates...

Because you have a right to know where your favourite Minister is:


PRETORIA. Former Minister of Health Manto Tshabalala-Msimang has denied reports that her new job as Minister in the Presidency will be limited to serving double vodka tonics to visiting heads of state and cooking African potato snacks for President Motlanthe. Her spokeswoman also denied that she had been asked to return the new liver she received while Health Minister.

Speaking to journalists from the Presidency where the Salvation Army was loading the last of Thabo Mbeki's belongings into a van, spokeswoman Clitoris Labuschagne said that just because Tshabalala-Msimang would not have any specific responsibilities, it didn't mean that she would have no responsibilities whatsoever.

Check out the full story here

The latest in the USA Presidential campaigns:

September Fool´s Day...

Someone in the print media industry is taking the piss. Throwing back the sunday times and a cappuccino yesterday morning accidentally saw the paper fall right open on the backpage of the main section. I was aiming to enjoy a good read about WP choking on their chances of a Currie Cup semi but instead got the Jacobzuma aids equivalent of sexual reproduction.



My memory of my first birds and the bees talk with my belter grade 7 ´life skills´ teacher Ms Davies is fairly vivid but I don´t recollect her explaining the fusion on the male and female gamete as going in a dip in an enchanted pool. Nicole Kidman however begs to differ.

NK who is describing her sexual exploits as akin to the Virgin Mary, seems to claim that her new bouncing baby girl Sunday Rose. (yes that is what she named it) was born the conventional way, and by that she isn´t referring to some non-missionary acrobatic position. She, and in all seriousness, attributes the 'miracle' birth of her daughter to the health-giving pristine waters in which she swam while filming the Baz Luhrmann blockbuster Australia near Kununurra in the remote north of WA.



Sky News reported that the 41-year-old Aussie said she and six other women who swam in the waters of a small town in Australia all fell pregnant. She never thought that she would get pregnant, but after this magical swim, “seven babies were conceived. There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming … so we can call it the fertility waters now,” Kidman said.


This is fantastic. Are her and ex-Tom Cruise having a media showdown over who can say the outrageous thing? There is naat a fuck any right minded guy should let his girl going swimming in Western Australia then, and not because she might fall pregnant, but because by the looks of it the tyke will come out with red hair...

Monday girl...


Live with it.

The King is Dead, Long Live the King ...

Introducing your new President. About whom you'd probably heard nothing until 2 months ago. Unless you're on the ANC mailing list, happened to be passing through Polokwane, or were hurling chairs and mooning people at the ANCYL conference a few months back.

This is probably a good thing though, because as someone smart once said, the kind of person you'd want to lead your country, is probably not the kind of person who'd be ambitious enough to publicly and eagerly run for president. On second thought, I might have just made that up.

In the interests of promoting democracy and an increasing knowledgeable electorate we though we'd bring you a few fun facts about the new Commander-in-nKhosi, Kgalema Motlanthe (not all of these are made-up, bonus points for spotting the false ones)

1) His first name is Petrus

2) He is widely regarded as the brains behind Jacob Zuma coup de'tat (some way behind one would imagine)

3) He enjoys long walks on the beach

4)He is a major shareholder of an investment company which recieved an R800 million l0an from the Land Bank, and promptly misplaced it.

5) Motlanthe is the youngest of 13 children. His exact date of birth is unknown, but he is believed to be about 58.

6) He might well be the SA's best hope, but we'll see.

Monday girl?


Yesterday was basically a weekend so why not have a monday girl(s).