And you're sore from gym...?

Apparently pain is just weakness leaving the body, or is it french bread? Can't remember...

Walk it off...

Varsity Cup-out...


I am not here right now throwing finger jabs at the keyboard to gloat about how UCT RFC handed Tukkies their ass back to them on Monday night when the two sides met on UCT's Green Mile. Nope, gloating would be unsporting-like and wouldn't become the ethos of the UCT RFC.


However, after contemplating this idea it has dawned on me, that I am in no way associated with the 1st XV, bar of course my loyal support for it, so driving the point home that UCT scored 8 tries in their 55-24 thupping makes no reflection on the team itself.



55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 - 24...

JJ looking for Herbie's chicken! Tighthead hoping to steal it.

Admittedly, Tukkies are also only considered a second tier team in this Varsity Cup competition of 8 teams, but they did draw with Maties 31-31 the week before in Stellenbosch. 55 55 55 55 55 55 55...


If you want a match analysis wait for the Varsity Paper in about 3 Tuesdays from now. They will also probably tell you the competition is based on "Monday Night Lights" College Football. Which it is not? What kind of idiot makes statements like that without checking that shit out?


The NFL has one game on a Monday Night, hence Monday Night Football.
High School Football is played on Friday Nights, hence the Friday Night Lights moniker and it's movie and drama series fame.
College Ball is played on Saturdays.
How you manage to muddle the 3 together and say Varsity Cup is based on Monday Night Lights College Football? I am not quite sure.

Sorry that tangent was aimed to psyche me up for the real pith of this post: What Varsity Cup really is based on?

The loose forwards and halfback pairing!

Very succinctly the big powers that be in SA Rugby realised they had access to enough money to fund a national club based tournament that hopefully would extend talent pools, appease their purist intentions and replace emphasis on rugby at club level, give back to the Universities they once played for and hopefully usurp the media and financial backing from the Vodacom Cup.


Who are these powers? If you think rugby in SA isn't run by - I can't avoid doing this stereotypically - a strong group of Afrikaans purist you are mistaken. Funded by Steinhof these mean have created a very interesting platform to showcase SA's rugby talent at the level between school and Super 14. Lovely.



However this is where it sours. Steinhof form what I gather is a large holding company with loads of subsidiaries below it that sell anything from tractor oil to Bull Brand Beef to any farming implement you can image. Picking up a theme here? They are basically the Costra Nostra of farming co-ops in SA.

UCT doesn't really fall into this pile anywhere. Pukke, Tukkies, TUT, Shimlas, UJ and Maties however are the backbone of the sporting pride to these people. I am not really sure where Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University NMMU falls into the picture? Although I have never hit on a girl from PE that didn't talk with an Afrikaans accent so I guess they fall on the Afrikaans side of the language fence. 7 v 1. UCT is the 1.

You think I am making this up? Try this for size.

On the Friday before UCT's first game against Pukke on the 18th of February, UCT was informed that flanker Jody Birch was too old to play. Competition rules only allowed players that are under 26 to play, that means born after 1983 onward so turning 25 this year, to play. Fair enough Birch was born in 1981 so didn't play.




That same Monday out in Stellenbosch, 8th Man Bennie Booysen started for Maties in their draw against Tukkies. (55 55 55 55 55) Bennie Booysen was born 6 Jan 1982. He is 26. Don't believe me? Check out the Maties website. http://student.sun.ac.za/rugby/players/PlayerInfo.asp?PlayerID=179.

Booysen is a fantastic player and great to watch. He played against Tukkies on the 18th and again in the second round of the competition this last weekend.

Dodgy? You bet your fuckin' life it is...

People Power Monday ...

Seriously. It's a real holiday in the Phillipines. People Power Monday. Say it ten times fast. Not much of a tongue twister, unlike this little angel who is, in fact, Phillipinean, uh, Phillipinish. Goddamnit. She's from the Phillipines.

My Coke Fest 2008...

The best thing to do with advice is pass it on. Unless you run a bad annual musical festival and are given stirling advice by renowned leaders in your target market, because then you should use it. We gave 5fm advice - read damning criticism somewhere in Feb 2007- and the took it to heart.


The line-up (at this stage) for My Coke Fest 2008 is looking pretty sweet. We have to remain mindful on the possibility of some bands pulling out but... Korn, Good Charlotte, Muse, Prime Circle, Kaiser Chiefs, Chris Cornell and 30 Seconds from Mars! There are also a few SA bands none of which I either recognise or stand a chance of lifting the same interest in your eyes brows that the main acts have raised.



There are two concerts again:

21 March: Somewhere in Jozi
24 March: Kenilworth Racecourse, Cape Town.

Due to foreseen and extremely annoying circumstances I can't make the 24th March rockfest party but it should be a pretty sick occasion.

It is at this point you can thank us for the scathing attack on 5fm that made them clean up their act and sort out a decent music festival. If only they would listen to our Nicole Fox advice...

Don't cry for me Argentina...


I might be a super genius or the rugby people at the IRB and SANZAR are just retarded. I have't ruled out the possibility that these two aren't necessarily mutual exclusive. There was media talk this week about offers to the Pumas to join the Tri-Nations triplet in the most respected rugby competition in the world.

It is an interesting idea. Argentina had an excellent outting to France last year, upsetting the hosts (twice) and the apple cart to come 3rd. They currently stand here in the IRB rankings. (1) South Africa (2) All Blacks (3) Pumas (4) Australia. Including them in the Tri-Nations makes great rugby sense.
From a rugby point of view, Argetina has no domestic competition to speak of, actually it is still amateur, and hence all their top players are based in European club sides, mainly in France and Italy but actually everywhere. I think like 2 or 3 of their RWC07 squad wasn't an overseas based player.

The country is dominated by soccer and rugby is largely only played at upper-class clubs and private schools. However, the popularity of the game is soaring and they even delayed the starting time of a Boca Junior football match so it wouldn't clash with the Pumas v France game of the RWC.

I'm big in South America..?

However, because a large majority of their players are foreign based they fit into the Northern Hemisphere season. This is a major problem as it clashed with the Souther Hemisphere season. If their small base of professional players are tied up in club contracts and not really for international duty their really isn't any point in allowing them to enter an international competition. The second major problem is that they are the other side of the friggan world.

I have flown from Cape Town to Buenos Aires. We went to play rugby. After circumnavigating the world in the fusilage of a Boeing 747 you are about as eager to play rugby as you are to eat your prop if you crashed in the Andes. Not very.

Funnily enough this latter drawback is the only problem with the Tri-Nations format. You play each other side twice (or 3 times as in 2006) and they juggle the venues. The thing is the home side is at a MASSIVE advantage. The team that wins the competition is the one that can win away from home. It's the easy. That's why in the last 10 years of the 3N the All Blacks managed to do well because each year they manage to win away from home.

The Springboks haven't won away from Fortress SA since they toured Nambia in a 3 match tour in 1965 and since Fortress SA became leaky they've allowed other sides to take the competition. I'm being flippant but you can't deny the massive advantage playing at home is.

Unlike the Cape Times I am not just bitching about the systems administed by rugby administrators world wide and blaming a 3rd Force but instead will offer, what I believe, a viable alternative.

Admittedly the exodus of pro players from Argentina to Europe is a problem but money solves everything, ask Toulon, I mean Blue Bulls Old Boys Club. Bring those players back to Argentina. Fund a big provincial or club tournament there. The player salaries don't have to be huge. The 30 plus superstar gets brought back but not at their usual European salary, just pay off their contracts, and then pay them and the local players at a reaosnable scale. It's details but since minimum wage is like 24 cans of Quilmes, a shot of tequila and a kilogram of lama a month it can't be alot.

Can I please get a double whopper bacon cheese, vanilla shake, no fries and two locks to get me out of the B league?

Then enter them into the 4Nations. Contract the international players a shit load to make them returning to their homeland worth their while, although I am sure Quilmes, tequila and lama would do it. Now here is the thing. Every year the competition gets hosted by one of the countries only. Think mini-World Cup.

For example. 2009 fly all 3 sides to Argentina, then Aussie hosts 2010, SA 2011 and New Zealand 2012. Bingo. Since you have four side no side has to sit out.



Weekend 1: Argentina v South Africa; All Blacks v Australia.
Weekend 2: Argentina v All Blacks; South Africa v Australia.
Weekend 3: Argentina v Australia; All Blacks v South Africa.

League structure. Wham bam thank you ma'am. So every four years, you are a home nation and at great advantage, but the playing fields are level for the other 3. Argentina gets exposed to world class rugby and hopefully grows the exposure of the game to their masses.

If that wouldn't make Rupert Murdoch loads of cash I don't know what will. I doubt he will splurge it on Quilmes, Tequila and lama steaks though.

Lamas: High in protein, great with white or red wine and doesn't taste anything like chicken.

The only obvious drawback is at which time you will play the games. I know when it is 17h00 on a satuday in sunny cape town it is 00h00 in Perth, 02h00 in Sydney and 04h00 in Auckland. It's also 13h00 in Buenos Aires. It can't be that hard. I used to wake up at 04h30 at school to watch Christian Cullen. I would wake up at that time again to watch any one of these match ups.
I don't know Bernard Lapasett personally but he is the Chairman of the IRB (just googled it now) and if you know him please send him this, and me royalties...

Monday thing...


Or thong...

From bad to worse...

You may be familiar with the little Snow Patrol fiasco we encountered not so long ago. Read below. Well, a new twist has emerged. I received this email this morning from Malik"

"Greetings from Global Breakthrough:

We have some good news and bad news.

The good news is you’re about to get a better ticket deal as a token of our appreciation and our way of saying we’re very sorry for any disappointment caused.

Here is the bad news…Official statement from Tom & Gary/Snow Patrol’s management:

We regret to announce that, due to recording commitments, Tom and Gary from Snow Patrol have had to cancel their DJ appearance at the Global Breakthrough festival in Cape Town at the end of this month.

They tried everything to re-arrange this scheduling conflict, but unfortunately studio availability & other circumstances do not allow for them to travel to South Africa at this time.

Tom and Gary are very disappointed about this and send their utmost apologies. They hope to make it over to Cape Town as soon as their schedule allows to make up for any disappointment caused.

Snow Patrol Management

Note! There has also been a LOCATION CHANGE. We’re not going to use Signal Hill anymore because it was more of a Snow Patrol vibe and it was really limiting us with regards to capacity. We’ve got two of the hottest DJs in the world coming out with Âme and Henrik Schwarz (LIVE) headlining that event as part of a special Innervisions showcase and we’re moving venue to accommodate the numbers. Also the weather has been just ghastly lately. It’s as if this wind will never stop blowing and we don’t want to blow the event over it.

The new, super exciting location will be announced this week.

Now that the budget has lost some weight we’re giving you back the added value as follows:

General Admission ticket holders can have 3 tickets for the Innervisions event featuring Henrik Schwarz LIVE and Ame.

Pre sale value for 3 tickets: R240 / On door: R420. Do the math. It’s a sweet deal, because really, we feel terrible.

If you’re actually not into cutting edge electronic house music, bummer, and thus you specifically bought tickets just to see the Snow Patrol DJ Set, then please email malik@global-breakthrough.com so we can sort you out a refund.


Cheers,

Malik AdunniGlobal Breakthrough Events • lovecapetown media+ 27 74 186 2872 • www.Global-Breakthrough.com"

Let me know if I must jump in at any point here and elaborate as to how this is such a load of dodgy shit?

Sorry Malik, run that past me again, you have GOOD and BAD news? OKay, so explain to me how the ticket I paid for to see one band which then turned out to be only the two main dudes of that band playing their favourite playlist on their Ipod not coming to this sick venue can be accompanied by GOOD news?

Oh hold on, the sick venue has also been moved? To where I ask? You don't know yet you reply? Yes, you are correct that is super exciting.

I have an idea Malik, why don't you just invite people online to come over to your spot and we can listen to your favourite playlist and you can charge us a sweet deal? Must I bring my own chair?

Yes I will pursue the refund option.

Rebel with a cause...

When All Black lock Jason Eaton got badly injured prior to the RWC last year Graham Henry and the rest of the All Black management team were beginning to worry as already they had lost lock James Ryan from the RWC squad. They then went on to lose Ali Williams to a broken jaw which luckily heeled in time for France.


Jason Eaton was obviously more shattered than the coaching staff. The giant Hurricane known for his outrageous mullet and facial hair decided to deal with his depression by not shaving his beard or cutting his hair.





Eaton is raising money for chairty now and will pull a donors name out of a hat to see who has the privilege of shaving off his beard and the highest pledgee will get the chance to shave his head.

Amazing...


The Super 14 kick offs this weekend and The Canes first game is against the Waratahs in Sydney on Saturday. I look forward to what Phil Kearns will have to say about the hairycane...

Monday girl...

A geographical comparison...


Many things stand to reason but pictures do speak more than a thousand words. Guess which vehicle is from Pretoria and which one is from Cape Town. Please don't look at the plates. That would be cheating.

UCT to 'rock' the Varsity Cup...

UCT RFC is this year involved with a new national rugby competition called the 'Varsity Cup'. FNB, Canterbury, SAB and Steinhof have pooled the investment potential of every mielie and potatoe farmer in the country to creating a new breeding ground for tight forwards at Club level, in an attempt to usurp the power from the woeful Vodacom Cup. It promises to be an exciting competition.


As with many other things here at Rockstar we couldn't be bothered to do our own research and write our own article so we published someone elses. Forgive us. I think it is from rugby365.com.

"The all-new FNB Varsity Cup - which will see the top eight universities in South Africa compete for the ultimate bragging rights - is set to take South African rugby by storm, and the University of Cape Town (UCT) will not be far behind.

UCT are one of the eight teams competing in the inaugural competition, which will be played mostly on Monday nights, with some matches to be televised (see below). All teams will play each other once, with the top four teams going into the semi-finals, after an exciting league finale in George over the Easter Weekend.



The tournament's mantra is 'Rugby that Rocks' and UCT intend on doing just that, despite being up against some pretty formidable opposition in the shape of Pukke (the best rugby university in SA last year) and Stellenbosch, the Ikeys' traditional rivals over the years.

Springbok centre Robbie Fleck, himself a former Ikeys star, has now turned his hand to coaching and will be looking after the UCT backline, with head coach John Dobson - also a former student and player at the club - coaching the forwards.

"I have never seen a Varsity team so focused, which makes it easy for us coaches," said Fleck, who played 31 Tests for the Boks between 1999 and 2002, "I mean, have you ever heard of UCT students training during January - on their own??


"The set-up at UCT is also very professional, we have a strong support staff and no stone is being left unturned ahead of this exciting tournament. However, we are aware of the battle that we face, especially against teams like Maties, Pukke and Tukkies - all of whom have budgets considerably bigger than us.

"One thing is for sure though, expect to see a lot of heart from this UCT side and we will continue to play the exciting brand of 15-man rugby that has always been synonymous with Ikey rugby."UCT's first match is a home fixture against Pukke on Monday, February 18 (kick-off 6.45pm) and they are working hard behind the scenes to get their past players to come and support, along with their past and present students, some of whom have returned to lectures already.

Look out for big names like Bob Skinstad and Dion O'Cuinneagain on the sidelines come the 18th, whilst the many proud UCT students in attendance will no doubt have a word or two for the opposition!

UCT's Varsity Cup fixtures:

Monday, February 18:
UCT v NWU-Pukke
Monday, February 25:
UCT v Tuks
Monday, March 3:
UJ v UCT
Monday, March 10:
TUT v UCT (televised)

The Easter Weekend Festival (each Varsity Cup team will play its final three league matches over the Easter Weekend):

Thursday, March 20:
UCT v Maties (televised)
Saturday, March 22:
NMMU v UCT
Monday, March 24:
UCT v Kovies (televised)
Monday, March 31:
Semi-finals (televised)
Monday, April 7:
Final (televised)



I think that about says it all. The Monday Night games have been dubbed Monday Night Lights but thanks so Eskom's nasty habit of unscheduled load shedding the kick off times have been brought forward to 17h30. Funny that. Hopefully it will still yield the odd Lyla Garrity.

Monday after...

What would you do after you just lost the most thing in your life? Go home and bang Giselle of course...

2008 is back with a bang...

The first month of a year always feels like a week. Well, January is over and here we are staring down february's barrel. I am strangely comfortable with it as sliding down the barrel of February's loaded rifle is the sporting year of 2008.

Superbowl 42 in the early hours of sunday's morning and a weekend worth of 6 Nations rugby. Great.

hot hot hot monday...

let us swim?

Punk’d

I should have opened my eyes. I feel stoopid for not realizing before I was ‘had’. I shouldn’t burden myself with further deprecation, I feel enough of an idiot as it is, and more to the point I am the victim here, and everyone else I told.

I doubt any reader actually read the article posted below when it was originally posted. Thankfully our editor-in-chief, Rockstar, (thanks chief) picked up on my not yet glaring oversight and took the article down within 30minutes. I have republished it to admit my error. Go read it.

I will admit many things, but cannot stoop so low to admit that I have been a victim of misleading advertising before this. I know many of you will coyly admit to the boys over a six pack of corona and pizza that you once woke up with chubby white-faced midget of a girl that when you first laid eyes upon her leering at you over the bar at Tiger the night before looked somewhat less chubby and far less pasty.

I think Maybelline and figure restricting jeans are to false advertising what ADSL is to cyber geeks, indispensable tools of the trade! Anyway, I’ve never been lured to take my clothes off for a luminescent slug of a women but I have parted with my money for something that I didn’t end up getting.

I mentioned I am not to proud to admit my mistakes, unlike the Blue Bulls who fired a backline coach in favour of scouting the wondrous talents of Pieter Rossouw. I am also not to proud to admit I so far have started every paragraph with I, however I am contemplating changing that.

I (or not) was so beside my fucking self with the news of a Snow Patrol Signal Concert that I didn’t read the fine print. Snow Patrol actually isn’t playing. The lead vocalist from SP Gary and his keyboard tapping band cohort Tom are from the band Snow Patrol but will be performing a DJ set ‘picking as eclectic a selection of music as possible from tracks they love…’!

Look, I am still going to go and check it out. It should be a good evening. Although I did pay to watch Tiger Woods play golf but it turns out he is playing tennis instead. Thankfully I won’t wake up with dirty slug slime on me…


For tickets check out www.global-breakthrough.com!

Wednesday's monday girl...

Better than missing a week...

[This post is purely for reference purpose to above post]

A high 5 will do...

The imminent flood of 'how was your holiday?' questions that I will have to deal with when I return to my normal life in a month [this Clifton life-style guard thing is just a summer fling] scares the hell out of me.

I hate having to deal with it! So I think the best defensive is an aggressive offensive so I am going to start my own onslaught before you can. How was your holiday???

Oh wait, it just got a fuck load better! If you don't believe me, read on for the next 60 seconds and honestly tell me if I haven't changed your life..!



Whilst you were snow-walking the tourist beat in Aspen, lathing on Piz Buin on a Mediterranean yacht, playing kolpak rugby at an Irish rugby club, pina colading the shit out of life in Mozambique or giving little angels their wings in St Francis, myself and Rockstar stayed at home. We watched out beaches, we kept the Joburgers boet out of trouble and looked after Cape Town for you. It's a pleasure.

Yes, there is more...

Since we have been so carefully protecting our wonderful little city like the endangered piece of fynbos it is we have had our ears firmly to the ground. And what have we have heard that will jump your holiday up at least two bars of the Holiday Barometer? [just remembered I haven't shared with you the graduations on the Holiday Barometer - mental note to rectify that]

Your holiday just got better.



Snow Patrol are playing live in concert, in Cape Town on Signal Hill in a very small arena to a select few people! The concert is on the 1st March 2008...


That pain sensation in your arm right now is you trying to pinch yourself. This isn't a dream, you are awake. No dreams are this good. Congratulations you are inner circle.

Tickets are still available. Email us at rockstarweb@gmail.com and we will send you details on how to purchase your own.

A hi5 will do...

Boston's Back...


I had to just throw this out there in case you were stuck watching 'My Super Sweet 16' on MTV on Monday night in horrid ignorance of the fact that Boston Legal is back on the Series channel. Monday's at 21h00. It's quotes like these that oblige me to fill you in:

"An inexplicable compulsion to be redeeming, as if I was a regular on a television series...!"

The Update...

If you have 3 hours of free time lying around between gym and doing your daily stop checks at Clifton to ensure everything is as you left it go hang around channel 230. ESPN, the only channel you will find the highlights of this past weekends NFL play-off action.

It was such a good weekend of football. Every game was a buzzer hanger complete with game turning moment. The 'okay stop taking the piss' New England Patriots beat Jacksonville in a nail-biter. The Colts failed with 3 downs and goal to reclaim the lead against the Chargers in the final quarter and lost 28-24. The Giants upset the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 in yet another close one. Greenbay did hammer the Seahawks but it was exciting.

I know that adds up to 12 hours of TV viewing but everyone has twelve hours to spare somewhere when the sun goes down. Please make an effort this weekend.

I checked. Clifton is fine.

I'll do your supersets and lifeguard the clifton honeys so you're free to enjoy... It's a fuck load more exciting that watching 5 days worth of Dale Steyn fast bowling and Graeme Smith's apple sourz swigging...

And in other news...

Ewoudt Van der Linde - surprisingly not a stage name!

This is arb but interesting. The muppet in the Bulls suit that does flickflaks around fortress Loftus in the searing highveld 3pm heat is now the team doctor for the u19s and u21s. I love overachieving medic students. They always have that annoying knack of having CVs longer than Joyce novels, but this guy is rounded off with the fact that he is a circus midget.

And lastly...


Did anyone watch the Osprey's this weekend. A bit of magic there..! Oh and yes, the chargers have been dropped. Insufficient evidence or celebrity status? Not sure, but if Maori rugby players can evade the law and beat their wives, why can't I drink on trains and call girls fat?

Monday Girl...

I am very patriotic...and so is this young cheerleader!